Afro american couple drinking coffee at home

Source: Izabela Habur / Getty

A lot of folks set resolutions at the top of the year. I think it’s more important to set a vibe, or intention, especially when it comes to sex and relationships.

I get tons of questions from people who aren’t getting the action they want when it comes to dating.  The biggest issue is typically regret: you don’t go after the person you’re feeling and then get upset when they’re no longer on the market. Now you’re “just friends.” It’s time to be proactive. I’m dubbing 2018 as the year of #ShootYourShot. Being in the friend zone can seem like you’re living in relationship purgatory. I’m here to tell you that your platonic relationship isn’t finite; there are several easy ways to get out of the “friend zone” for good. Here are a few tips to help you shoot your shot.

Be Unattached to the Outcome

The girl of your dreams is still your homey whether you end up as her boyfriend or not. You can’t be pressed about turning her into bae. It will make you seem pathetic—and no woman wants that guy. When you can release attachment to how she will respond to your desires, you will alleviate the anxiety you may feel around potential rejection. Clear the “gotta get her” vibe and focus on having an authentic bond. It will bring you closer together.

Think Beyond Sex

Setting a purpose for why you want to be her boyfriend is the best way to ensure the object of your affection feels your vibe. You’re already a friend, so what else can you bring to the table? If your desires are simply to have sex with her, this isn’t a purpose. Think substance. How will you complement each other even more as a couple? What else do you get to explore if you date? Be clear about why you want to join with her romantically in love. Your chances of sealing the deal and having a healthy relationship will be greater when you do.

Put It Out There

You have to actually say something. Let her know that you’re interested in being more than just friends—no hinting. Tell her how you feel, then give her time to figure out how she’d like to proceed. Remember, this has been your fantasy but not necessarily hers. Say what you want, then put the ball in her court.

It’s Okay to Walk Away

Things don’t always happen when we want them to.  If you’re really feeling your buddy, and the feelings aren’t reciprocated, it’s cool to take a step back for a bit. Don’t pressure or guilt your friend—it will only make things awkward. Most importantly, don’t forget that feelings do change. Nothing beats moving on, showing you know your worth and see your swag. You’ll attract good energy. And who knows, you may get over your crush sooner than you think…or she may see what she has in front of her.

Glamazon Tyomi is CASSIUS’ resident sexpert. Follow her at @GlamazonTyomi.

Cassius Radio

Our staff has picked their favorite stations, take a listen...