BRUHstrology

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BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of April 22, 2018.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Aries

The Astrologer Says:

How about a weekend getaway, Aries? After the hoopla and drama of your birthday season, a quick getaway may do your mind, body and spirit some good. Venus will be in your House of Local Travel and Learning, so why not load up your Kindle, buy a bus ticket, and go visit someplace you randomly pick on the map with your eyes closed? Be sure you document the crazy bits because it’ll make for funny stories at the water cooler.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You thought you were just gonna have a regular-ass birthday, but then your coworkers surprised you with an ice cream cake after you specifically told them you have really sensitive teeth. And you have to give an awkward speech? Nah. After all of that, get out of town and do you, dog.

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

You deserve a break, Leo. It’s been nothing but integrity and career talk for weeks on end. Luckily, this week Venus is moving into friendly territory, and chatty Gemini wants you to leave the office early and go out with your crew. You can even get into a little mischief if you want to. Smile, laugh, share as much as you want, and enjoy being among the people who’ve always cared for you from before your glo up.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

All you’ve heard about lately is career this and work that. It’s time to chill on that for a bit and go have some drinks. There’s nothing wrong with misbehaving as long as it’s legal… and morally sound. But other than that, go flex.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

Isn’t it funny how whenever you minding your business and on your grind, love wants to show up and say, “Hey boo?” It’s because authority looks good on you, Sadge. Venus will be singing, “Shorty won’t you swing my way,” starting this week, so take your eyes away from your to-do list long enough to catch the invitation for drinks—and maybe more. They may or may not be forever bae, but that doesn’t matter. The point is to balance all your hard work with some flirtation and giggles.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You need balance in your life. Even you know you’ve been working too hard, and it’s time to let loose. There’s a new girl around, and she definitely deserves some of your attention. So tell your boss they can shove the big PowerPoint presentation up their… desk drawer, and get the hell out of the office. Just make sure that your potential bae doesn’t work in the office because that can get really messy really quick.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

Oh, you fancy, huh? But it’s your birthday, and you’re allowed to be extravagant if you wish. Venus will be all up in your House of Money and Self Worth, so I hope you’ve been saving up to show out since you may find that you want to own everything you lay your eyes on. The energy of the heavens is moving fast, so do your best to practice a little impulse control, shop around, price check, and get at least two other opinions before you slip that chip into the reader.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Taurus season has begun. You probably lived your best life on 4/20, and the party doesn’t stop there. But don’t let the good vibes overflow and have you buying unnecessary stuff. Not every trend needs to be followed. Do you really need a faux gold grill? Do you really need those Yeezys? The Bruhstrologer thinks not.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

Time to spruce up, Virgo. I know you’ve been quietly working in your basement on your mixtape for weeks, but if you’re going to be out here shopping your creations to potential clients, then you need to look the part. Invest in your image and consider how you want to market yourself. Figure out your brand. A fresh cut, new shoes, and extra moisturizer will do wonders, I guarantee you. And don’t forget to smile!

The BRUHstrologer Says:

We really, really hope you didn’t spend your tax return on funding your mixtape. It might be time to give up on that dream, bro. But if you did, you need to own it. Look the part. Really be about that life, which requires a fresh shape up at all times and the shiniest patent leather Jordans you’ve ever seen. Get to it, dawg.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

Keep it simple, Capricorn. You’ve been doing tons of emotional and personal work over the last few weeks, and you’re likely feeling burnt out from all the challenges and self-reflection you had to do. For now, focus on the joy of the everyday. Wake up and say thank you for a new day, make yourself a good breakfast, enjoy having the privilege of taking out the trash and cleaning up after your dog. Life is good when you focus on what you have in the here and now.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

That emotional stuff isn’t so easy to cope with, is it? The good news is J. Cole’s new album is helping you process all of it, and the better news is Drake’s album will do the same in a few months. Enjoy life’s simple pleasures for a bit—you deserve it.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

Venus is in your sign, and you have full permission to open your arms wide to the world as you say, “ I woke up like this!” Relish in your twinning ways. Be as chatty, curious and ridiculous as you like. Don’t worry about going too hard—you’ve been through a lot, and you need to remind yourself that despite letting go of your old life, you’re still flawless. Not to mention we all need some of your mischievous magic to get us laughing again. So go ahead and feel yourself.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Have you not been paying attention to what your Gemini brethren Kanye West has been manifesting as of late? Get in your bag. ALL the way in it.

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

Are you questioning the meaning of it all, Libra? Venus may have you wanting to grab a plane ticket to the opposite end of the earth just to get your head around the craziness of the last few weeks. If that’s not in the cards, getting lost in some dusty books or chatting it up with the local intellectuals may be just what you need. It’s perfectly fine to question the structure of the Universe after your life gets turned upside down. Find what worldview feels good to you so you can go about creating a new way of living.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Venus has been tellin’ you to do some spur of the moment stuff lately, and it’s cool if you’re not with it. You don’t have to book that Southwest flight if you don’t want to. But you do need to find what makes you feel happy to make sure life is a little less stressful.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

You’ve made it to the other side (for now), Aquarius! Go outside and enjoy the sunshine. Venus is urging you to go play and giggle with your friends while making music or finger painting. It’s not childish, it’s childlike, and that’s exactly what your heart needs after the ups and downs of the last few weeks. Don’t be shy—you know that swingset looks mad fun, and yes, you can have that extra scoop of ice cream. Burn it off when you go dancing with your friends later.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Spring is here, and it’s time to return to your ways of subtly not giving a fuck. I see bottomless mimosa-filled brunches in your future—with the squad, of course. Don’t be afraid to let loose and enjoy yourself. Like Kanye said, you don’t have to grow up, you can just be a grown-ass kid.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

Indulge in quiet time, Cancer. Lately, it feels like your whole life revolves around your relationships and your career, and it’s tiring. Chill with your friends when you feel like it, but your real recharge will come from turning off your phone, turning on some music and just being by yourself. Connect with your heart again without the noise of considering the needs of everybody else. When you come back out into the world, you’ll feel better prepared to do the one-on-one work again.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Me time is the best time. Shut off your mind when it comes to work and friends for a bit. There’s nothing wrong with going MIA in the group chat for the weekend. Getting asked, “What’s the move tonight?” is tiring AF and you need a break. Call over your bae and Netflix and chill for a few days. Recharging is lit.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

Figure out who you can mind-meld with this week, Scorpio. You may be itching to have deep, probing conversations with others now that you’re all about speaking your truth. Sharing and merging is your thing right now, and there’s nothing sexier than meeting people who share your passions. Go out there and enjoy staring people intensely in the eyes as you wax poetic about your love for anime and cooking shows. I’m sure a few kindred spirits are out there waiting for you.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

New friends? Possibly. Find someone who cares about the same stuff as you. There’s gotta be at least one other dude at work who’s conflicted about the unhealthy relationship between Mr. Biggs and Carrie on Sex & The City but is also scared LeBron James might not make it out of the first round of the playoffs.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

Keep it local, Pisces. After all, that noise with friends these last few weeks, your couch, a bowl of popcorn and some sci-fi fantasy flicks are just what the doctor ordered. There are times when simply staying around the way and out of the drama is the best medicine for all that ails you. Trust me when I say you aren’t missing much. Just tell Netflix that yes, you’re still watching and pass the snacks.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You get the snacks. Your girl has your favorite episode of The Office cued up. Need I say more?

LAST WEEK’S SCOPES: BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 04/15/18)