BRUHstrology

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BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of April 8, 2018.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Aries

The Astrologer Says:

You have full permission to go on and brush your shoulders off this week, Aries. You’re feeling powerful after slaying some dragons last week and now is the time to capitalize on those wins. Enjoy the fruits of your labor, whether it be in the form of extra income thanks to Lady Venus speaking on your behalf or in the form of just feeling like you’re on top of the world. If you have some schemes and dreams that you’ve been itching to try out, this would be the time to start playing with your magic.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You killed that shit this week. You hopped in your bag and got done with that one thing that’s been bothering you for weeks. Whether the rewards have been money or just feeling better for finally getting in the gym, enjoy your progress. And say what up to Lady Venus.

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

Hopefully, you’ve figured out a way to align your word with your practice, Leo. This week is all about putting in the work so that you can collect your rewards. Whether it’s at the gym, where you’re doubling your efforts ahead of the warmer weather, or at your desk, where you’ve been consolidating your ideas to present to the team, this is a week to tie things up with a bow and put it out there. Venus is still on your side doing what she can to see you win, so don’t be late to your own party.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

As the Prophets known as Offset, Takeoff and Quavo once said, you gotta walk it like you talk it. You can’t be all words and no actions, so basically shut up if you can’t back up your shit, dawg. Once you have the confidence to put it all out there, present it to the world. Shout out to Venus again, too, because she’ll be helping.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

Alright. You’ve got the vision. Now let’s get to work, Sadge. Make a schedule of how you’re gonna turn that creative water into profitable wine. Venus is pushing you to put on those Timbs you invested in and get to work with Mars and Saturn. It’s all about letting the energy flow productively. Clock in, put your heart on the line, clock out, then do it again. It’s not going to look like anything right away, but that’s what Earth energy teaches us: persistence + patience = growth.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

The Pinterest vision board that you’ve got bookmarked is cool and all, but it’s time to put some action behind it. Put your head down and get work. Turn that water into Hennessy. It might take some time to get the money rolling in, but once it starts it won’t stop. *Birdman handrub.*

BRUHstrology Signs

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

Who are you, Taurus? No, really. Everyone knows you look fly and that you usually have a few coins in the bank, but what do you believe in and what are you here on this green Earth to do? This week, practice being upfront about what you represent and do it with authority and style. Broadcast it, then see who tunes into your station. Are they reflective of who you are now, or who you were back then?

The BRUHstrologer Says:

As the great Aubrey Graham says, “Know Yourself.” Who are you beyond the OVO tracksuits and Off-White Jordans? Let us know when you find out.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

Alright, Virgo, enough stalling. The time has come for you to test drive this project you’ve been working on since the winter. It doesn’t have to be perfect (I REPEAT: IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT) but it needs to be seen and promoted because you need to know how it will be received and can be improved upon. You like that, right, Virgo? Editing, adjusting, refining, fine-tuning, making things seem nearly effortless and perfect? So wow the folks around you. You always do.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Stop sitting on your hands, hop off the porch, and go get it done. It’s gonna take some time to get right, but perfection isn’t fun anyway. The squad knows you can do it, so do it.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

You’re looking really good this week, Cap… like, really good. So why don’t you share some of that goodness with someone who needs your special blend of practical and dependable affection? Pull out all the stops, crack a smile, kiss a few babies, play with the kiddos, and twerk on the dance floor, if you’re really feeling the moment. Show everyone that you’re not just a stiff, old cynic and have the heart of youngin’. In the wise words of fellow Earth signed Virgo Mystikal, “Shake ya ass, show me what you workin’ with.”

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You’ve had a fire week, don’t be scared to admit it. But now it’s time to share the wealth. Spread love, as Biggie would say. And yes, do shake your ass in the most Mystikal way possible. Only good can come from it.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

Depending on how you managed last week, you may need to blow off some steam, Gemini. How about a mini getaway? Venus is luxuriating in your House of Spirituality, so you may benefit from a retreat. With Mars and Saturn charging up your House of Intimacy, you could even make it a tantric yoga treat. If that’s not in the cards, a little solo quiet time spinning out your chakra, meditating, or enjoying some sensual healing could help to recharge your batteries. Do what you gotta do, Gemini.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Was last week shitty? Then take this week easy. Cop those iridescent Jordan 11s that you were on the fence about. And if you’re not with that yoga stuff, just do those stretches you learned in high school gym class. It’s damn-near the same thing, right? And work on your chakras, make sure they’re aligned or whatever. We’d tell you what they are, but we’d have to Google it ourselves.

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

You could need a break from being around people after last week’s tense energy, Libra. A staycation at home or someplace equally quiet just so you can get your scales to stop swinging around like mad wouldn’t be a bad idea. If you do have company, make sure they’re someone who isn’t superficial and can handle you venting your frustrations while also giving tough love when you need it.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

A break from people is good. It’s been one of those weeks, and you’re so tired of Jim from accounting who keeps bugging you about THAT invoice. But forget Jim and that damn invoice, cuddle up on the couch with bae, and watch a show YOU like. She hates The Office and you never should have cuffed her after she revealed that, but that’s another discussion.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

Hopefully, you’ve been taking our advice to just chill at home, Water Bearer, because you’re still processing and downloading what you want to do once the energy starts to move again. Clear off your home office desk (or make room in bed) so you can start to type up the intuitive insights you’ve been getting. What’s going to be your spring project? You may want to think longterm because you have a pretty intense spring and summer coming your way. When you’re done, get back to Netflix and Chilling. I promise you’ll be happy you took the time to relax once life starts bumping again.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

That chill weekend at home was lit, right? Told you—never doubt the BRUHstrologer again. You’ve got energy (got a lot of energy) and don’t let anyone take it from you. We know how tempting bottomless mimosas are come spring and summer, but maybe you should take a season off from being in the mix. Your mind will thank you. Oh, and so will your pockets.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

Remember how just about everyone was jumping down your throat last week for one thing or another, Cancer? This week doesn’t have to be like that. In fact, why not try inviting those same people out for a good time? Forgive them and yourself for flying off the handle. We can all get a little emotional and out-of-pocket at times, but it’s important not to hold a grudge (unless they really deserve that shit). So invite them out to your favorite spot, have a few drinks, some delicious food (Venus is in Taurus, so make sure all the senses are being pleased) and remember why you love humanity the way you do.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Tell ’em to take a number and get in line. Jim in accounting is still pestering you, so maybe invite him out to grab a drink so he knows not to ask so loudly about that invoice while your boss is around. No one likes a snitch, bro. If not, you’ll bark on him, and this is not high school where you can just shoot the fair one. Adults gotta deal with cops, so just talk it out over a Corona or Margarita. Work friends can be lit. Trust us.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

Test run your pitch this week, Scorpio. The energy is flowing just right for you to lay out your lesson plan (or your mixtape) so you can practice your marketing. You’re looking good to investors, potential business partners and new romantic interests with Venus in your House of Partnership, which lines up just right with Mars and Saturn in your House of Communications. You’ve got the charm, you’ve got the energy, and you’ve got the credentials. Now lay it on them and walk out with your prize.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Your new bae is feeling you. That expensive Tom Ford cologne you got seems to be paying off. You’ve been killing it at work and your boss is starting to notice. Maybe it’s time to make things official or ask for the promotion? Just make sure you keep that same energy.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

Good job, Pisces. You’re learning the art of boundaries! Keep practicing, because I assure you: you’re gonna need it this week when you may have to be the shoulder that everyone needs to cry on. You won’t have to say very much. Just have a few snacks, strong drinks and a soothing voice at the ready when it seems like everyone is blowing up your phone looking for comfort. You’re not new to this, you’re true to this. Just know when it’s time to put your phone on airplane mode so you don’t lose your mind.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Look who’s finally learning some compassion and that everything you think doesn’t need to be blurted out. Constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth isn’t the wave. Your friends are going to need you this week, so be there for them. That stash of liquor will come in handy this week. We’re not telling you to drink at work, but if you do, at least wait until the lunch rush so no one will hear the glass clinking.

LAST WEEK’S SCOPES: BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 04/01/18)

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