BRUHstrology

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BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of April 29, 2018.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Aries

The Astrologer Says:

It’s back to reality this week, Aries, and the Full Moon wants you to focus on what you value and why you value it. It’s easy to blindly rush through life with big goals and aspirations in mind, but with nothing deeper but a desire to achieve accolades to fuel them, things can quickly become hollow and cheap. So what’s the point of your grind? Why do you do what you do? What’s the end game? If you can answer those questions honestly, start looking at your life to see if it matches your underlying desire. If it does, keep going. If it doesn’t, start shedding the dead weight.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Last week was lit, but now it’s time to get back on your grind. Remember, there’s no point in working your ass off if you don’t know why you’re doing it, so at least have a side hustle that you love… as long as it doesn’t involve selling stolen TVs from the department store you work at.

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

Real talk, Leo: what are you chasing out there? When will you feel like you’ve made it? Or is that goalpost constantly moving with each achievement? It’s okay if it is, but make sure there’s a balance in your life. This Full Moon is illuminating the underlying roots to your need to succeed and attain whatever it is you’re after. Has there been so much adulting and not enough relaxing and taking care of things close to home? See what needs to be tweaked so that you can enjoy yourself and your gains without feeling like it came at such a high cost.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Ain’t nothing wrong with being ambitious and learning not to rest on your laurels, but sometimes you gotta chill, dog. Tell your boss you can’t work overtime so you can go home and play Fortnite with Drake instead. It’s self care.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

There are times when the grand plan you created for yourself simply doesn’t go as you envisioned, Sadge. Those are the breaks. However that doesn’t necessarily mean your plan was a failure, it could mean that something greater than you is interceding on your behalf. Remember when you were reaching for something obviously dangerous like, say, your mom’s hot comb and thankfully she swooped in to save you from excruciating pain? Yeah, sometimes life steps in and forces you to flow a different way, so trust that process instead of fighting against it and potentially burning the f*ck outta your hand.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

It’s always good to have a Plan B in place because Plan A most likely won’t work out. Sometimes life forces us to slow down, so take heed, get your shit together, stay low, then boom: shock the gram.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

The Full Moon is shining its bright spotlight all over you and your relationships with others, Taurus. It’s time to deal with the fact that not everyone is for you and you’re not for everybody. Your life is about to change in unexpected ways, so take the time to look through your roster of friends, family, associates and lovers and see who is “ride or die” enough to go on to the next level with you. Pick the people who have always kept it real with you and have had your back when you needed it most.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

That Full Moon is doing that thing it does, right? It’s shining mad bright on your squad and it’ll definitely let you know who isn’t really gang gang and needs to dip. Besides—the more friends you have, the harder it is to split the check. No one cares that you only had one drink, John.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

Get busy, Virgo. Time to hustle and get yourself in order so you can put your hard work on display. Get your calendar in order, answer those emails, and make the phone calls. Basically, do whatever it takes to get it done. You already know why you’re here. You’ve been doing the work, you’ve got the look, now just do the busy work to make it happen. Can’t wait to see your SoundCloud links all over Twitter.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Stop leaving everyone on read and not answering emails. It’s not the wave. Set up those meetings you’ve been putting off and buckle down. And if you are in fact a SoundCloud rapper, don’t be the kind who spams random people on Twitter with your link. It’s not cool. Oh, and don’t leave the links in IG comments—for the umpteenth time, the links aren’t clickable.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

Remind yourself why you’re putting in all this effort, Cap. Is it for the joy it brings you or is it for living up to the expectations of the people around you? There could be someone in that dynamic that’s currently out of balance. Be mindful that it’s easy to fall off track while seeking public approval. At the end of the day, know that there’s nothing wrong about working hard for your own personal satisfaction. Others will still get to enjoy the results.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks about you and do what makes you happy. That might include watching playoffs basketball, bad mouthing LeBron James, and getting way too excited when MTV plays White Chicks… but again, live your truth, King.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

It’s a good idea to sit down and think about how you want to represent yourself out in the world, Gemini. Choose your crew wisely, because what they say and do will represent you, too. Make sure the vision you have for your life behind the scenes can stand up to the tests of the real world where everyone else lives. Don’t get so caught up in chasing the dream that you wind up leaving Earth behind.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Ya’ll still claiming Kanye West or nah?

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

Take what you’ve been learning from the larger world and go over it with a fine tooth comb. Does it work for you, Libra? You’ll have to decide what truly matters to you and what ideals and physical things have to leave your life to make space for the new. Consider this a spring cleaning for your priorities. Don’t get lost in weighing out your reasons for holding onto mental or physical clutter. Rely on your gut instincts, does it make you feel good? Yes? Keep it. No? Toss it.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Spring cleaning might be the most dreaded task of the year aside from taxes. But you know how good you feel once it’s all said and done, so get to it. Other than finally putting away every pair of sneakers you’ve worn back into their boxes, the same goes for your mind. Meditate or something. I’ve heard there are some fire tutorials on YouTube.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

The key to your happiness, Water Bearer, is always knowing that the choices you make are being made from a place of being real. The best place to do that is in your own space at home or wherever feels like your sanctuary. Use the time spent in solitude to get a grasp of who you’re trying to be out in this crazy world. We need examples of what it means to march to the beat of one’s own drum, help us keep the rhythm.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Do you and be happy. Following in someone else’s footsteps will only hurt you in the end. Be the corny guy who still wears Batman shirts at 30-years-old. There will definitely be a girl at the bar who’s willing to geek out over Infinity Wars with you. Now look at that! That couldn’t happen if you tried to pretend you love Outkast like your friend Mikey. We all know you’re more of a Rascal Flatts guy and that’s cool.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

When’s the last time you did anything for yourself that did not involve taking others into consideration, Cancer? Nurturing your own personal need for satisfaction can be a great thing for you when done in a balanced fashion: meaning do it for you first, then, when you’re ready, consider sharing it with your people. If you’ve been feeling cranky and out of sorts, it could that you’re overextending yourself for others and not returning the favor for yourself. Rectify that.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Well, well, well, Cancer. Just like most of your friends this week, it’s time to stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks. How did sunken place Kanye say it? Ah, yes, he refers to it as free thought.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

Time to declutter your friends/followers list, Scorpio, because not everyone is up for being your true friend. You have to ask yourself whose out here ready to support you in your creativity and self expression and who do you feel good about doing the same for. It’s really that simple. This is the end of keeping relationships going out of habit. If they’re not vibrating at your level, it’s time to cut them loose with love.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

A Twitter purge never hurt anyone. Unfollow all those accounts you’ve been thinking about just to clear your timeline a bit. And do the same on Instagram. Unfollow all your friends from high school that smoked cigarettes but are now somehow 25 and married and with 2 kids. Replace them with some puppy accounts and some Insta models who don’t post too many flat tummy tea ads. Oh, and do a real life purge too.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

It’s easy to get lost in the sauce these days, Pisces. These times of “anything goes” may have you out here feeling crazy. The only way to combat the crazy is to seek the evidence and facts that confirm your reality. Talk to people, read books, get involved in groups that are focused on resolving issues that you can see before your eyes.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

When it comes to getting lost in the sauce I’m just going to leave you with this Gucci Mane clip because nothing else really matters.

LAST WEEK’S SCOPES: BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 04/22/18)

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