BRUHstrology

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BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of June 3, 2018.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Aries

The Astrologer Says:

It’s a week of a million and one brilliant and divinely inspired ideas, Aries. Keep your journal or memo app on standby, and definitely write down the ones that come to you out of nowhere because the angels are whispering in your ear. But all good things have a downside, and this week you should be sure to keep your feet on the ground and not get too carried away about what you can and cannot deliver. Some ideas are just too good for this world.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Your ideas have been crazy a bit lately, but that makes sense. Kanye West just released an album with cover art that he made in minutes, so it makes sense that your creative juices are flowing. But don’t be scared to use the recorder app to capture the melodies you think will be fire on your mixtape. Some of your ideas will flourish. Remember that.

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

Pay attention while you’re out networking and chilling with your friends this week, Leo. There could be some magical happenings taking place where the conversation and ideas are hitting just right, leaving you feeling lifted and inspired by your grand plans for the future… but watch out for deception and making promises you know you just can’t keep. Keep your wits about you when you’re in the mix with others. It’s the kind of energy that can have you drinking the Kool-Aid one minute and waking up the next day wondering WTF just happened.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You’ve been going crazy with the business cards this weekend, fam. But that’s okay. Get your name out there because you never know where those opportunities could lead. You might end up working for, like, Diddy. And that means free Ciroc for life. And who doesn’t want that!? Just remember to not get overwhelmed by the bright lights and remember who you are before making any crazy decisions.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

You’re in the mood for love simply because people are near you, Sadge. It’s alright to want to hold hands, cuddle and dream about taking an adventure with someone special, but make sure the person you choose is who they say they are. Relationships of any kind are a bit hazy this week, so don’t get lost in the pretty picture when there could be bright red flags saying what you see isn’t what you’re going to get. When in doubt, cut through the fog with a fiery arrow of truth.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You’re in the mood to be a simp this week, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Get some loving in, indulge in bae, and allow them to wear your alma mater’s hoodie. You already know it’s gonna smell like her when you get it back, and there’s no better feeling than that. But remember that the week could get tougher beyond. Don’t let bae’s X-rated texts at work distract you from handing in those reports to Jim by 2.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

You got your mind on your money and your money on your mind this week, Taurus, but when don’t you? If you’ve been thinking of making some investments into an organization or lending money to a friend, be sure to double check the details of the arrangement as the facts may be a bit hard to pin down. Hit ’em with concrete questions about what you’re sinking your hard earned money into before signing any dotted line.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

This week has you focused on that paycheck, but you’re always checking your banking app, so that’s pretty normal for you. A member of the gang might be pressing you for some extra bread this week, and it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it. Will they actually pay you back, perhaps with interest? If your brow is furrowed while reading this… the answer is: Nah, fam.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

Things have been looking good for you on the career front thanks to all your hard work and hustle, Virgo. You may find yourself being approached by others to do business that sounds like it’s perfect for you, but you gotta read the fine print at the end of the contract. This isn’t the week for verbal agreements or promises. Demand all the details in black and white before saying yes, as you could be roped into a deal that’s the complete opposite of what you originally agreed on.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

All those extra nights in the office are paying off, which means your paycheck will start to look a little better. Which means all those Air Maxes and Jordans you wanted to cop to get those summer ‘fits off are now a possibility. Just remember to buy neutral colors, so they’re rockable for more than just the summer. Neon green sneakers just look weird in November, man.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

You’re overthinking, Cap. No matter how hard you may try to get a grasp on the details, your attention span and ability to keep things straight in your head is at an all-time low. It’s alright, we all need a mental break from time to time. Write down your to-do list and keep it moving. Instead of trying to keep things organized mentally, let your mind wander and deliver divine inspiration that only comes when you let go of control.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Take a break. Thinking is overrated, especially with all the fun you’ve been having lately. So while you’re hungover and overindulging in life, just jot down all the serious sh*t that you need to eventually do. It’ll make it much easier when you decide to be an adult again.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

Behave yourself this week, Gemini. The energy can easily have you playing like you’re Loki, God of Mischief. Not everyone will appreciate it if you’re telling tall tales and getting into trouble. Instead, use this fanciful energy to present an image of yourself that will get you what you want without being an alternative fact (otherwise known as a lie). You can use this to your advantage at work by playing the version of yourself you need to be to get the results you want.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Some people were happy with your output last week, and some weren’t. That means you’ve gotta do better and outpace your past efforts. All this really means is your collaborative album with Kid Cudi needs to be fire, Mr. West.

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

You gotta relax about your work, Libra. Should you find yourself obsessing about things going a certain way or falling into perfectionist streaks, try taking a step back from the table. You don’t have to control everything to get what you want. Visualize what you want and then delegate (i.e., let others take up some of the workload with you). Leading powerfully without being a tyrant is the name of the game, so use your charm to your advantage and get your team on board to support you.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Perfectionism isn’t fun. Sure, you won’t have anything biting you in the ass, but who wants that? A few skeletons in the closet always make things a bit more exciting… especially when the statute of limitations has expired.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

It’s all fun and games, gambling and falling in and out of love until your bank account is suddenly in the red, Waterbearer. Pay attention to how your recreational activities are impacting your bottom line, and try not to get lost in the sauce when the rent is due. It’s never a game when Sallie Mae comes knocking, so don’t get caught out there this week. Put your play money aside from the rest, and you should be alright.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Those weeknights at the bar have been killing your bank account, eh? We all know how terrible the drink deals are on weeknights, which means you should just go ham on the weekends. Drinking a fifth on a Tuesday night is fun until you burp during your Wednesday sales meeting and it smells like mojitos. Get your sh*t together, man.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

Watch out for those Fatal Attraction-type vibes this week, as you are looking mighty fine in the streets, Cancer. You can pull just about anything or anyone you want with little effort, but you gotta be careful not to pull in the crazies who may be a bit obsessed with your energy. Maintain your boundaries and trust your intuition. Not all cuties are what they seem, and you could do without a long-term stalker headache.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Fatal Attraction is a great movie, tbh. You should probably watch it with your most recent bae. Does it have its weird moments? Yes. But so does The Office when it comes to Michael Scott’s subtle misogyny. Just pick your battles and know when it’s time to close the laptop and get to business during Netflix and chill. Unless she may actually be crazy, then just call that Uber ASAP.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

You’re probably the least scam-able person around, Scorpio, but even you can get hypnotized by a pretty smile with the promise of something more. Keep your intuition and bullshit meter locked in at 1000% this week because not all that glitter is gold. You don’t want to be caught out there looking stupid because the fantasy is so much better than the reality of the situation.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Basically, don’t get confused by a pretty smile at your local bar or a squeaky clean profile on Tinder. May you keep your Cash App under close surveillance and not make any questionable public Vemno transactions that your friends will clown you for.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

You may want to stay home in bed this week, Pisces, because it’s really real out there. You’re likely to be completely tuned in to everything and everyone around you, and it’s leaving you feeling overwhelmed and overburdened by the amount of energy coming your way. Practice maintaining healthy boundaries and saying no, mind your business, and take all the naps you need. Next week will be better, so sit this one out if you need.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Yeah, it’s gonna be a shitty week for you, no way around it. Next week will be lit, though. The BRUHstrologer will talk it into fruition.

LAST WEEK’S SCOPES: BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 05/27/18)