African American man giving girlfriend piggyback ride

Source: Jose Luis Pelaez Inc / Getty

You’ve stacked your money and are about to fly out with your favorite lady to a sexy vacay spot. All you’ve been envisioning for the last two weeks is how and where you’re going to deliver the D.

The key to success is handling logistics. Read on.

 

Airplane

Most folks want to be a part of the mile high club, but there a few things you need to scope out before deciding if your departing flight is the best opportunity to join or renew your membership. The most important variable is your flight attendant. If the staff is cool, you’re golden. They may turn a blind eye to your clumsy efforts to squeeze into the bathroom, and give you a fair amount of time to “enjoy your ride.” If you’re getting the stink eye or hard knocks as soon as you enter the restroom, it’s a no-go. Don’t push your luck. The flight crew can do everything from embarrassing the hell out of you to getting you banned from the airline. Follow the vibes.

Airport

Research reveals that more people have sex while waiting for the plane than on one. The key to kicking off our trip right is finding the right spot. Winners include oversized bathrooms and private waiting areas. Your vetting guidelines are simple: Make sure the space is clean and gives you enough room to move.

Beach

Sex on the beach requires a lot of recon. First and foremost, you need to know the penalties for public sex in the place you’re visiting because some destinations aren’t liberal—even with tourists. Next, make sure you’ve found a spot that is somewhat secluded, whether it’s day or night, but safe. You’ll also want to bring the items that will make the interlude comfortable, like a blanket or towel (sand in the vagina will lead to a hard stop).

Pool

Getting it in while you’re in the water is all about the hotel culture. If it’s a spot exclusively for couples, you’ve got a green light as long as you’re discreet. Family hotels are a hard-stop. There’s only one thing worse than grandma catching you, and that’s someone’s child. Opt for the late evening or wee hours of the morning and make it quick.

Balcony

What’s your balcony facing? If it’s looking onto the ocean and has partitions, you’re good. But if your neighbors can look directly at you, or if you’re ground level, and passerbys can see the midday show, the rush may not be worth it. You can still get it in, but timing and noise control are a must. This set up requires a late night creep. Set your clock.

Cassius Radio

Our staff has picked their favorite stations, take a listen...