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Each week, CASSIUS’ resident sex expert Glamazon Tyomi answers questions from clients and fans. This week, she talks to a brother who was balling but is now underemployed and anxious about how his lady will respond to his lack of funds on Valentine’s Day.
Hey Tyomi,
I’ve been following you on social media for some time, so I know you can help me with this little problem I have right now. As you know, it’s Valentine’s Day and women ALWAYS expect their men to show up and shower them with gifts and love. My girl is especially spoiled because for the past four years I’ve made sure she’s had the most perfect Valentine’s Day any woman could dream of. I’ve done private dinners with personal chefs. I’ve made grand gestures at her job by sending her dozens of roses and decorating her desk. I’ve even surprised her with a trip to Jamaica one year to switch things up. Here’s the issue: I’m currently in between jobs, as I’m shifting my career path, and I don’t feel I have enough to impress her this year. She knows that I’ve been living off my savings and she has been so understanding of me having to scale back on a lot of the things we used to do. My question is, how can I still impress her on Valentine’s Day on a limited budget when she is so used to the grand things I’ve done for her in the past? I don’t want to disappoint her or lose her love because I can’t make this day special for her. I need your help! I love this woman and she deserves the world. Right now, I just don’t have the funds to give it to her.
Please help,
JJ
Peace JJ,
Before I get into the suggestions I have for you to make this Valentine’s Day a success, I want to give you another way of seeing this day. RELEASE YOUR EXPECTATIONS!! I know you’re accustomed to using your money to create grand experiences for your lady, and that’s an amazing thing to be able to do. I want you to remember that this day is just one of many days you have to show your girl that you love her, and not just by the things you can do for her or the gifts you can buy. Your supportive, loving presence is enough. Love can be expressed through gift giving, but love in itself could never be lost or diminished because a gift or gesture isn’t given. So don’t ever think that she won’t love you because you can’t shower her with material things. From what you’ve said here, she seems like a woman who values people and not things, and sees the importance the relationship v. gifts. This Valentine’s Day, instead of focusing on the things you can give your girlfriend, focus on the reason behind the gifts given in the past, which is love.
Release your feelings of obligation around gifting her lavishly and give from your heart sincerely. My suggestion is to plan an intimate candlelit date night at your place. It’s the thought that counts. Amazon.com and the Dollar Store are godsends for balling on a budget. You can create a memorable night with ease on $40. Send her a text message with instructions for what she should bring for your nightcap. Even go as far as to give her suggestions on how you want her to show up—trench coat and lingerie perhaps? Meet her at the door with a single rose (much cheaper than a dozen) and purchase faux rose petals to trail into the bedroom and to the table where you will have dinner. Flameless candles are reusable and inexpensive when bought in packs of 12 or more, and you can use them in your living room to line the rose petal walkway and to place around your room and bathroom. Prepare her favorite food dish and grab a bottle of Barefoot or Yellowtail wine to complement (cheapest brands of wine, yet highly recommended). Play a game with your meal by agreeing to feed each other. Touching your own plate is a call for a pleasurable, kinky punishment. Turn to your fire stick or Netflix and choose a film to watch together, or turn on your favorite playlist and dance with each other in candlelight. At some point in the night when you’re holding each other and looking eye to eye, express your love and appreciation for her and don’t be afraid to share your insecurities about not being able to do it big this year. She will appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable and open about how you feel. Remember no matter what you plan, make the night about connecting intimately. Get creative with your set up. Use Pinterest for ambiance inspiration. And use the power of your stroke game to top the night off. You got this, bro! You’re more than your paycheck, and your efforts won’t go unnoticed. YOU ARE THE GIFT.
Sincerely,
Glamazon Tyomi
Glamazon Tyomi knows all things sex. Don’t believe it? Just watch. Follow her @GlamazonTyomi.
