Most of us know we’re better off keeping our private parts, well… private. But let’s face it — 99.9% of folks will end up sexting out the good stuff eventually. It’s the age of social media, we’re young enough to not give a f-ck (or so we think), and pictures speak a thousand words.
But, as with anything, there’s a way to do it — you don’t just drop them drawers, snap a pic, and press send. There’s an art to getting that punani poised for greatness, amirite fellas?
So here are the definitive rules to sending nudes. Ladies and gentleman, listen up.
1. The Wetter, The Better. Whether you’re a girl or guy, sending a good nude takes a little preparation. First and foremost, please make sure you’re not ashy. Grab the shea butter and moisturize your skin. No one wants to look at no dry ass thighs.
2.No Face, No Case. … But also, no location. With good reason, this rule is pretty popular. On the off chance that your nude gets leaked (don’t sleep, it does happen to regular schmegular folks, too), you need to be able to deny, deny, deny. Make sure identifiable tattoos, birthmarks and scars aren’t visible in the photo. Additionally, that fake Basquiat your momma bought you for Christmas shouldn’t make its way into the background. Plausible deniability is a must.
3.Hate To Sound Sleazy, But Tease Me. If you like the guy or girl on the other side of your texts, chances are you’ll end up sending more than one photo. Start off by sending more modest pics to build his/her anticipation. Next, slowly roll out more explicits selfies, like that sexy gym photo, then one of you in the shower.
4.Laziness Gets You Nowhere. Again, preparation is appreciated. Meticulous grooming is a must—no one wants to see your matted pubic hair. Is the lighting right? What good is a nude if they can’t see it? Is it enticing enough? They don’t want a boring, bird’s eye view of the kitty (like Blac Chyna did Rob). Seriously. Put like half a thought into it.
5.Ladies: Back That Ass Up. When all else fails, get a good booty pic. Solicit help from your bestie if you need to, because there’s not a guy in this world who doesn’t appreciate a nice fatty.
6.Is It Good Enough To Leak Online? It all comes down to the very real possibility that your photos could one day end up online or in a group chat full of strangers. Knowing that, if you still want to send those body shots, make sure it’ll make ’em go, “Damnnnnn Gina!” Ask yourself, “Would Rihanna approve?”
If not, try again.