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Sex by Location

Source: iOne Creative / iOne Creative

So, you’re having a rough week. You have a steady stream of to-do’s flooding your inbox, a project that’s due tomorrow and you haven’t had time to kick it with bae all week. But if you can’t go to visit your partner…why not let your her/him come to you?

Here’s how to bust your nut at the office — without getting busted by HR.

Opt For Early Mornings or Late Nights


Y ou may have a ridiculous amount of tension that you need to relieve during the day but it’s entirely too risky to get it in with all of your co-workers around. Try slipping in this “special project” by creeping into the office extra early or sending the “whatcha doing?” text when you’re stuck there after hours. You’ll either be starting your day off with the boost you need or ending it with a well-deserved treat.

Lock It Down

This might be the most important piece on this list: go to a room with a door that locks and zero windows. Whether it’s the board room or the supply closet, you need to conduct a little pre-game reconnaissance to assess every nook and cranny, and determine what’s best based on what’s available to you. Also make sure you’re in a room that doesn’t have any cameras—you don’t want an HR fiasco on your hands.

Clean Up After Yourselves

Let’s keep it 100. Once you finally get it in, the fruit of your labor isn’t just a crazy nut. Sex definitely leaves a very particular scent and if it lingers you’ll definitely be busted. Break out some air-freshener or odor-eliminating sprays (either scour the office or bring some in ahead of time) and give the space a good spritz to make sure you’re in the clear. As far as cleaning up your person, baby wipes and body sprays are your best friends.