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BET Awards 2020

Source: BET Awards 2020 / Getty

Being a woman can be extremely frustrating for so many different reasons, a truth we were all reminded of this past weekend when Chloe Bailey addressed her haters. In case you missed it, the superstar singer hopped on IG Live to reveal she’s been verbally attacked for posting sexy images of herself. Chloe cried while explaining what she’s shared on social media has nothing to do with seeking anyone’s validation — she’s just being herself, she explained, after years of fighting low self-esteem. Almost immediately, the who’s who of Hollywood stepped up to back Chloe. “Please continue to fly,” actress and activist Gabrielle Union tweeted, in part. “Soaring while under attack is hard asf but you are not alone. Never alone. We gotchu. Keep shining!”

Unfortunately, in our patriarchal society, women’s bodies are primarily viewed by men as sexual, and therefore, we are always made to consider what is and isn’t “appropriate.” The censure of women’s bodies is an age-old issue. Campaigns like ‘Free The Nipple’ were born from the ridiculous double standard that a publicly topless man is nothing to think twice about, while a publicly topless woman is erotic and inappropriate. In our extremely misogynistic society, women are to always keep in mind how the male gaze perceives us — and if we are viewed as very sexy, it must be intentional or a desperate cry for attention. God forbid we’re existing and having fun without society’s concerns guiding every move we make. Heaven forbid we own our sexuality instead of sitting back and letting men control it for us.

People need to step away from the idea that their outdated opinions count where our bodies are concerned — men especially, but make no mistake, women are guilty of this too. In line with that objective, here are a few simple concepts one might stop to consider.

How We Present Ourselves Is —How Can I say This Nicely — None Of Your Business.

So, before you go commenting on another person’s photo, stop to consider whether or not you’re being judgmental. Unless that person is inflicting harm somehow,  negative opinions are never warranted. Our posts are not yours to approve.

Our Bodies Are Primarily Just Bodies To Us.

Men may be hypnotized by boobs, breasts, ass, hips, and lips. But, on our end, we’ve lived with them our whole lives, so they’re not in our foremost thoughts every second of every day. They’re there, and functional, and we don’t always feel like hiding them to appease your sense of what’s appropriate.

But When We DO Feel Sexy …

… And decide to flaunt it, it’s because we saw the beauty in ourselves first and didn’t mind sharing that. Self-confidence should be celebrated and applauded, not picked apart. There is nothing wrong with a woman tapping into, and fully appreciating, her femininity in all its forms.

We Really Don’t Have To Beg For Male Attention Or Validation.

The truth is… penis and all that comes with it, are readily available whenever women want it. There really is no need to go out of our way to get it.

Women Show Up And Show Out For Other WOMEN, first and foremost.

Many of us feel the truest compliment comes from other women. For us, it means more when our sis notices the new ‘fit, the incredible beat, or the poppin’ booty. Only other women understand what we go through, so being noticed by one of our own — there’s just nothing like it. Sorry fellas, but truthfully speaking, it isn’t all about you.