Some days were just meant for this

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I have a confession: I was pretty much lost after college. I felt like something was missing but couldn’t figure out what. So I set out on a journey to find myself, and unfortunately, came up empty-handed. Here’s why: I didn’t know where to start.

Adulting was new to me. Up until that point, I only knew who my parents told me to be as their child and who my teachers and professors told me to be as their student. I belonged to everyone else but myself. Now, I was no longer beholden to any of their ideals or constructs around who I was, or had to be, and it was a lot. This realization started a new, lifelong journey of creating myself. In order to construct a life I was happy with, I needed to take action. The moment I stopped looking for signs, I actually started figuring out how to get closer to the true “me.” Here’s what I learned.

It’s a lifelong journey

Adulting is an ongoing process. No one thing or place dictates contentment and usually, once you’ve reached an immediate milestone, you’ll be looking for the next one. It’ll feel like a never-ending Ferris wheel. Be patient with yourself and the process. Rushing only creates sloppy results, and hella regrets.

Self-reflection is everything

Be candid about the areas you need to tighten up and don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you aren’t making progress you’ve got to ask for an assist.  Link up with a life coach, therapist, financial advisor, trusted friend or grab a self-help book. Sometimes we need another voice of reason to get us out of our heads. You can’t fix what you’re hiding.

Say what the hell you want

Money, happiness, and stability are great starters and long-term goals but they’re broad. How will you work toward that happiness, stability, and money? I found my thoughts coming to fruition once I wrote them down and created action plans to achieve them. Short term realistic and attainable steps are a must. Once written they become plans and no longer just dreams. If you’re a visual person, make a vision board (they are for men, too) with what you want to manifest for the next year or even six months. A smaller window of time takes the pressure off and leaves room for growth and error should life take an unexpected turn.

Be intentional AF

Now that you’ve deciphered what you want to create, go after it! Each morning, at the beginning of the week, or the start of a new month ask yourself: what do I want to get out of today that will give me my best life? Then follow through. You say you want to be debt free by a certain date? Stick to the payment plans you gave yourself. Setting deadlines and dates keeps you accountable and on your toes.

Check your energy and thoughts

You’ve said what you wanted and how you plan to get it but are you inviting those things into your life or repelling them with pessimism? Where attention goes energy flows! Are you putting your energy and attention towards the things that will create a better life for you? Are your thoughts counteractive of your goals? Don’t send the universe mixed signals!

It’s okay to change your mind

Circumstances and perspectives change. Your past dreams may no longer be a good fit for you. It is okay to say to yourself and others, I no longer want this. Don’t hold yourself hostage to what you wanted one year ago or even yesterday. Adjust the action plan and keep working.

Subtract and add

Experts say you are the average of the five people you associate with the most. Do some inventory and make a judgment call. Is your close circle vibrating at the same frequency as you? If not, add some new faces to the rotation. You don’t have to end your old friendships but starting new ones doesn’t hurt. Actively seek out people who align with you and who you can learn from. You can’t grow in a stale environment.


Arielle Neblett is a freelance writer for CASSIUS.