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In the era of #metoo, knowing when you’re conducting yourself appropriately with someone who excites you sexually is critical to everyone involved. Personal reputations, careers, and even assets are at risk when an accusation of foul play makes its way to anyone’s doorstep. Having desires to engage with someone intimately or erotically is completely healthy, but knowing how to maintain and respect boundaries is a skill that must be practiced. No means no, and sometimes no isn’t always verbally communicated. Knowing how to communicate your desires while respecting boundaries through gaining consent is essential to developing healthy relationships. Want to be the guy your potential partner respects? Check out these simple ways to ask for consent before you make a run for home plate.
When you want to touch them
Some people are so attractive and open with their energy that it may feel like a task to keep your hands off of their body. While the pull of their magnetism may make you feel welcomed to their body, it’s always best to ask before reaching out to touch, grab, caress or embrace. Asking can be as simple as “Can I give you a hug?” “Can I put my arm around you” is also enough to express your desires while allowing your potential partner to flex their autonomy. Just remember to make it okay either way, meaning If the answer is “no,” leave it at that and figure out another way to connect that respects their boundaries.
When you’re already in their intimate space
It’s common to find yourself placed closely to someone you’re attracted to. Whenever you’ve invaded a potential partner’s personal space, asking “Is this okay?” or “Can I be this close to you?” are ways to qualify their acceptance of your presence. It may seem like you’re doing the most in asking, but this simple step goes a long way in honoring possible bae’s autonomy. Being sure that your actions are received positively is better than assuming and getting it wrong.
When your lips want to connect with theirs
When lips are alluring, the temptation to touch might prompt you to make a move without even thinking – especially when the vibe is going well. Before leaning in to lay a smooch on those lovely lips, ask “Can I kiss you?,” a simple phrase that can be answered instantly with a “yes” or “no.” You can add more finesse to how you make your request for a kiss, just remember to ask before laying one on the person you desire.
When the booty is irresistable
Booty is powerful, and its magnetism is as strong as planetary orbit. A shapely booty draws hands to it like a moth to a flame, but touching without consent is considered assault. It can be easy to assume that you have unadulterated permission to touch your partner whenever you want once you’ve reached a certain level of comfort with them. The truth of the matter is, your partner’s autonomy should always be respected and upheld. Before laying a hand on your lover’s luscious cakes, just ask, “Can I touch your booty?” or “Can I give you a booty rub?” Asking to connect with your partner’s backside is innocent. Making sure your partner consents is sexy.
When getting freaky is on your mind
Wild thoughts crossing your mind about how you want to ravage your partner is completely healthy, but making a move towards applying sexual acts to your partner’s body without consent is a violation. Before you take your partner down, ask if they want to engage with you erotically. Just because you’re in a relationship or share a mutual attraction doesn’t mean your partner is down for the get down. Asking, “Do you want to play?” or asking to interact sexually in whatever way feels most comfortable to you is essential before you move forward. Consent is sexy.
Glamazon Tyomi is CASSIUS’ resident sexpert and a certified pro. Watch her put in work here.
