Glamazon Tyomi Morgan

Source: TCHayhem Photography / TCHayhem Photography

I have an important message for all of the men who are done in bed in three minutes flat, and “blame” it on the woman. It’s the not the coochie, bruh.

It doesn’t matter how exceptionally dope the lady is, it’s up to you to handle your body and pace, and, you know, have some self-control. Coochie-blaming is a common cop out for guys who want to last longer but won’t ante up on the discipline. I even see memes, gifs and makeshift infographics erected in defense of this statement. Despite the finger pointing, I’ve worked with enough men to know that most of them actually want to last longer but can’t figure out how.

Here are how to give your partner a real hard time if you’re hitting some obstacles.

1

She’s Too Tight

If your girl is naturally tight or keeping things right by practicing kegels (exercises that tighten vaginal walls) it’s easy to succumb to orgasm after a few strokes—especially if the stimulation catches you off guard. Here’s a news flash: men can do kegels, too. Step your game up improving the control you have over your release. Male kegels are pretty simple: squeeze the muscle that you use to stop the flow of urine and hold it for 10 seconds, then release. Practice this exercise 20 times a day and you’ll be on your way to becoming a champion lover.

2 She’s Too Wet

Vaginas are self-lubricating, and as a woman becomes more aroused things can become slippery. Her wetness combined with the warmth of her body can take an unskilled lover from zero to 100 real quick. The good news? She’s really feeling you…but that may dry out after too many quickies. Switching positions can help increase friction when the slick becomes too great. Slow it down, pull out and reenter in a new position (doggy style works well).

3 She’s Putting it On You

If your lady is giving you the business a little too well, she may not realize her skills are ensuring that you’ll be wrapping up quicker than a commercial break. PONR stands for “point of no return,” and it is that moment in the sexual response cycle when you cannot stop your orgasm from happening. Learning to identify the pre-cursors to this moment is key. Observe your body while you’re stroking, commit your PONR memory and switch things up—position, angle of stroke, etc.—to prevent cumming before she’s ready to join you. Another tip? The next time “Miss Good P–sy” throws it back on you, take control and slow her down by grabbing her hips.

4 She’s Not Your Best Partner

Masturbation is a healthy form of sexual expression, but when practiced frequently men train themselves to shoot their loads quickly. The fix? Don’t rush through your solo experiences. Use edging—arousing yourself to reach that moment right before you orgasm and then ceasing stimulation to allow your stimulation to settle down—to train yourself to last longer.

5 She’s Leaving You Speechless

Yes, she’s knocking it down. But if you’re so caught up on the moment that you’re not speaking up and sharing control you won’t be able to stay in the, ahem, winner’s circle. There is no shame in telling her that you need to slow down or that she needs to take it easy. Communication is essential in every relationship, especially sexual ones. Don’t be afraid to speak up during sex when you feel you can’t handle what she’s delivering. Give her directions and let her know how you’re feeling so the experience can last as long as it needs to for her to reach her climax, too.

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