Once again, our favorite time of the year has arrived.
The sun is shining, the temperatures are rising, and the clothes are coming off. With the glorious summer season right around the corner, it can mean only one thing: it’s time to get back in the game.
You don’t have to be a tech coder to figure out what’s about to happen next. After strategically cuffing (or being cuffed by) bae to weather the wintry nights you “suddenly” decide that the relationship thing isn’t for you anymore.
No judgment here, folks.
So we’re gonna get the dog days started with a little bit of spring training.
Fortunately, CASSIUS is here to guide you through this tricky, yet inevitable season of ditching winter bae. We’re here to help you make Summer ‘17 the year of the #SummerSavage.
Whatever the master plan, there’s only one way to win: you have to set specific, concrete goals for yourself. CASSIUS has a few strategic moves that will guarantee this summer’s heatwave will be accompanied by the penis or pussy parade you’ve been trying to finesse since undergrad.
1 Plot Your Attacks
Rooftop bar parties, seasonal events, beach getaways, neighborhood block parties and branded BBQs only happen in the summer. Strategize. Don’t be lazy. Make a list of the places that require your attendance and who is on your hit list. If you’re looking to dive into some new territory, think about the specific things that you want to be different about Summer ’17 and the places that will help create that experience. Is there a music festival you’ve been dying attend? Is there someone you’ve been looking to “get to know better”? (Where will he or she be? But be clear: NO STALKING!) Don’t forget to round up your buds who are also in savage mode to guarantee epic experiences.
2 Don’t Be Wack
Let’s face it: no one is checking for a loser. So, while you don’t have to go into debt to look fly, you must invest some time in putting a look together. A true savage can walk in a room and own it no matter the label. Maximize your beast mode by saving up a few hundred and killing ’em.
Buy that new pair of kicks you’ve been eyeing. Cop a few of those cute-ass swimsuits you’ve tagged on Instagram. And don’t go broke trying to level up. Hunt down the Memorial Day sales, or get your thrifting game on. Hit up eBay and budget friendly sites to find steals. You have options. Utilize them.
A savage is a master at executing the calculated humble brag. Let ’em see it.
3 Master the Humble Brag on Social Media
Don’t let modesty cause you to miss out the world’s favorite form of self promotion. When you see someone stunting on Snapchat, you automatically want to know more about what’s going on in their life.
Spring training is the optimal time to launch a campaign that lets the world know about your greatness…and make it seem like it was on the low. Got a new job? Talk about what you’re up to. Been on your workout game? Get a friend with a nice camera to snap a couple of shots of you in the gym or “chilling” in a crop top or shirtless. A savage is a master at executing the calculated humble brag. Let ’em see it.
4 Set Up the Ditch Days
Got a good job? After your humble brag, the next best way to maximize your benefits is to use the lion’s share of your vacation hours between June and August. Being in the designated place and time amplifies your savagery potential. You have the time to linger at those Sunday brunches and mingle with your next victims. In the Caribbean? The extra day gives you more time to stunt on the beach while the “basic” laborers have to stampede home. In sum, new location means new bae options. New bae options mean…well, whatever you want it to mean. #NoJudgment
Here’s the biggest must: put your time in early. Everyone has the co-worker who’s been talking (read: bragging) about her upcoming bae-cation in Cancun for a minute now and the summer is family reunion season. Ensure your days are prioritized. You don’t even need a solidified game plan yet—just make sure your out-of-office message is legit.
Go get it.