Master of None Season 2’s “First Date” episode so accurately depicts the real-life tribulations of online dating that it’s almost triggering. In this 25-minute episode—which opens with a woman swiping through a dating app called “Love At First Sight” at a funeral (very 2017, right?)—we watch Dev, played by Aziz Ansari, go through blind date hell. On one occasion, the silence filling the awkward conversational gaps between Dev and his date is so stifling that it made us squirm. On another, Dev goes home with someone who starts off as a match made in heaven, only to realize (after meeting eyes with her bedside mammy jar): she’s probably racist.
Any of this sound familiar?
We rounded up some of the episode’s top red flags to save you grief during your next blind foray. Take it from us, you might want to exit stage left if…
Listen. You either have a job or you don’t.
2…They announce they’re going to the restroom and tap their nose.
Do they have a coke problem or are they going to blow their nose?
3…They spend more time gushing about their WWE obsession than they do learning about you.
Do you really care whether his name is Samoa (versus “Samosa”) Joe?
4…They tell you they’re in a relationship and are just looking for friends.
Fam. Why are you even on a dating app?
5…They disrespect the waiter/waitress.
This says way more about their character than you may think.
6…They greet you on the app with “Whaddup with them big ol’ [fill in the blank]?”
Unmatch them. Now.
7…They have racist paraphernalia just chilling bedside.
Because who the hell keeps their condoms in a mammy cookie jar?
8…They run into an old flame while y’all are on a date and it’s clear they’re still into them.
Save your time and your dignity.
9…Not only are they on their phone during dinner, but you later realize they’re scrolling through a dating app.
The same one y’all met on.