BRUHstrology

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BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of March 18, 2018.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Aries

The Astrologer Says:

Happy Solar Return, Aries! (That means Happy Birthday, btw.) This week the Sun returns home to your sign to start a brand new year of challenges and excitement for you, the Grand Warrior of the heavens. Perfect time to set intentions about what you want to conquer during a new spin around the solar system. Still feeling unclear about the kind of warrior you want to be? Not to worry. Mercury begins his retrograde on the 22, meaning you get more time to bang out the details with your War Council. (I know I’m taking the War theme a bit far, but you get me, Aries.)

The BRUHstrologer Says:

It’s your birthday SZN, which means shenanigans are allowed. A new year means new bullshit to deal with, but you got this. Set new intentions and prepare to obliterate your new goals. Embrace the warrior in yourself… even if you aren’t cut out to be a member of the Jabari Tribe.

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

A wise man named Gin Rummy once said that there are known knowns and known unknowns but there also unknown unknowns… so you’re basically trying to figure out what you’d like to know and a few ways to apply it in the future. Crack open a book, take a class, get a certificate, do something to stretch your mind that will also push you ahead of the pack when it’s finally time to make King or Queen moves.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

I thought Gin Rummy was just a game, but I digress. Don’t be afraid to learn new things because they can help you with skills you think you’ve already learned. There’s no such thing as knowing too much. But don’t be a know-it-all. Make money moves like Queen Cardi once said.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

Winter wasn’t your best season, Centaur, but that’s actually perfect. Now you have tons of material to pour into your creative projects. Look at fellow Sagittarius Jay-Z. When he was out here being dragged for a fool, he took the material and made 4:44. You too can turn funky water into wine, especially when it’s honest and coming straight from the heart. This week start to sit down with those bubbling ideas and actually start working on them, so stop procrastinating, Sadge). It’ll be fun, I promise.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Winter was wack, we know. But all the heartbreak you suffered will manifest itself into your fire mixtape, OR you can just refocus that energy into your 9-5 and try and get that promotion. Hov turned his mistakes into 4:44, and you can definitely turn yours into something positive—even if it’s just working overtime to get a new pair of Jordans. You deserve it; that special someone broke your heart.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

Time to get deeply centered, Bull. You can already feel the winds of change starting to blow in your direction, and you’re probably freaking out just a little bit (totally normal). Take these next few weeks to retreat into your soul. That means meditate, get extra sleep, keep a dream journal. Don’t be surprised if anger makes an appearance; it’s there to get you extremely clear on what you want and who you’re about to become.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

It’s time to just take care of yourself. Forget all that other noise and keep to yourself if need be. Take that trip to Wyoming and stay in a log cabin like Kanye to clear your mind. Your Kim will understand.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

The beautiful and scary thing about creativity and love is that it forces us to face our own soul. Don’t be afraid to face whatever emotional baggage may come up to the surface starting this week. Part of your long term work revolves around opening up so that people can get close to you. You deserve to have a good time, you deserve to be loved up on, and you don’t have to remain a Virgin to do so.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Having emotions is cool, bro. But emotional baggage? Nah, man… you gotta resolve that with the quickness. Before jumping into something new, be sure to pay respect to your old situation and take an honest assessment of who you are. Growth is amazing, even when you do it on your own. Real talk.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

It’s downtime, workaholic. No, really. You have to rest and relax, and it’s actually part of your homework this season. (Get it? Home. Work.) Life runs in cycles. There’s a season for everything under the sun, and this season requires you to put your feet up and spend some time with the people you love so that you remember why you work so hard. It would suck if you got to the top and there was no one around to celebrate with you because you left them behind to be the greatest. Think of Fellow Capricorn Muhammad Ali and his family. Balance.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Saying you never take days off isn’t cool. #TeamNoSleep isn’t cool either. You are more important than what you do for work and you need to take care of yourself. Take a week off, even if its to do nothing besides hanging with the squad and binging TV shows. Self-care is the wave rn, tbh.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

You gotta fight for your right to… fill in the blank, Gemini. For the next few weeks, you get to re-envision the cause you’re willing to stand up and throw down for. Check where you like to compete. Check for who inspires (or enrages) you. The world needs a clever, quick-witted advocate.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Party. The answer is party. This is the time you need to refocus what you really want in life. Figure out what it is and go for it. Make sure it’s worth it first.

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

Your dance card is about to fill up, Libra, with all the pushy partners who want to get your attention. Keep in mind that you don’t have to say yes to all the requests, ’cause some people can’t dance—those are just facts. For the next few weeks, practice saying yes or no with absolute confidence. No wobbling, no hemming, no hawing; just practice trusting your instinct. Keep in mind that what’s meant for you will always find you, even if you say no the first time around.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

The roster is about to flourish. Those DMs you’ve been letting off while tipsy will soon reap rewards. But you know which ones are worth your time and which aren’t. Besides, summer is near, so are you really trying to be tied down? Variety is the spice of life.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

You’re getting a break from being stripped down to your nuts and bolts, thank the heavens. However, don’t get too comfortable, you have work to do. With being stripped down comes clarity and focus. You’re here to revolutionize, so use your voice and speak your truth to help change the world,Water Bearer. This week the universe wants you to step up to the pulpit to spit hot fire even if it makes people uncomfortable. You gotta say it and they gotta hear it. Say it with your chest, Aquarius!

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Things are finally settling down, but don’t get too complacent; you’ve always gotta stay on your toes. Don’t be afraid to use your voice and talk some shit when you need to. Get in your bag, King.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

Let’s hit the pause button on your ambition for a moment, Cancer. I know this time of year is when you normally feel rushed to make moves in your career, but take a minute to access how you want to burn down the house with your ingenuity. Frustration may have you talking reckless so don’t get fired over popping off at the mouth. Just jot it down. You can apply the adjustments later.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

This is when you usually make big moves, right? Whether it be a new bae or getting a new job but chill on that this time. Enjoy what you’ve got. There’s nothing wrong with venting, but don’t say some wild shit about your boss on Twitter. Smarten up.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

Let’s get you organized, Scorpio. Clear off your desk and empty out your stuffed closets (don’t lie—you know you never throw anything away). You need structure and a routine if you’re going to be out here running the world, and it’s obvious to you that the world needs a good cleansing so start with you first. Look at what needs to be streamlined and edited so when you’re out there teaching the world how to act right, you come off like a boss.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Stop hoarding and clean out your damn closet. What would your latest Tinder hookup think if they saw your nasty-ass room? Exactly.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

Party over, Pisces. I hope you had fun during your birthday season, because now it’s time to check your bank balance. Hopefully you didn’t go overboard, but if you did, there’s great energy around you recouping your losses with a strict budget. Also consider getting involved with friends or groups that are interested in building personal wealth. If you haven’t already, set up that auto savings plan (even if it’s a few dollars each week). It will eventually add up.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Birthday season has come to an end and therefore so has the fun. Get back to work and get that bag. And don’t spend said bag on liquor at your favorite bar. Put it in your bank account and watch it grow.

LAST WEEK’S SCOPES: BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 03/11/18)

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