News that rappers Cardi B and Offset secretly wed last year had a lot of folks sighing. As exciting as it is to hear the juicy tale surrounding clandestine nuptials, people also feel a little duped. Offset’s very dramatic onstage proposal occurred more than a month after the couple exchanged vows in an extremely low-key ceremony. Only time will tell whether the Cephus couple can make it. Unfortunately, they have the odds stacked against them. They’ve had a whirlwind romance. There have been rumors about cheating on both sides. Offset has three children, each with different women. Both are successful artists with careers that require travel.
Perhaps the best thing they have going for them is the decision to lay the foundation of their marriage in private. Here’s why.
You may have heard the term “house business” before. It’s a phrase used by families, and even businesses, to remind folks to keep an issue under wraps if they have vested interest in a successful outcome. It pre-dates “STHU.” Everyone, especially couples, should have some things that are house business. Social media gives people a trifecta—written, video and voice—of unprecedented resources to share what’s going in their lives. Most folks tell too much. They vent when they are going through problems in relationships or at work. They give immense detail about new jobs, loves and goals. And in the midst of all this sharing, they forget that communication is irreversible. Whatever you say cannot be unposted. They forget they’ll receive co-signers and critics, and how the latter will make them feel.
Some things need to be processed and cultivated in private.
Whether you share your business with one too many friends or the masses, their opinions are impactful, leading people to place shame and ego in places it shouldn’t be. Alternately, praise of poor choices can result in folks feeling proud of/and or justifying poor choices. Both are unhealthy and lead to regret.
If you’re working on something that will have a major impact on your life, make it house business until you’ve ironed out the kinks and know your choice is insulated from outside noise. If you want feedback, look to respected mentors who can guide and support you in healthy decision making. Most importantly, learn to trust your own instincts. The best moves are made in silence.