You knew Dustin was gonna go all out for the Valentine’s Day episode of Grown Man Sh*t, right? Right.
In between getting handcuffed and having way too much fun (accidentally?) smacking himself with a whip, Dustin drops major knowledge about the holiday. For starters, he gets in his teacher bag and makes sure you all know that the holiday. It originated when the Romans killed two dudes with the last name Valentine on February 14 and women would line up to get their butts smacked because it believed that it made them more fertile. Is Dustin telling the truth? Did he get the info from an errant post on Urban Dictionary? Wikipedia? Does he have a degree in History?
Who knows—the story is just entertaining AF.
It’s turned into a capitalistic holiday, but don’t let that stop you from your lady copping some lingerie that also benefits you, King. It starts with small gifts, like that teddy bear you’d cop for your high school girlfriend at the gas station before first period. There’s no way that should be an expression of love for your current partner, but perhaps more suitable for your work spouse providing your HR department is super chill. The same goes for chocolate, because anything is better than showing up empty-handed.
In the words of Dustin, “no opportunity should be closed on Valentine’s Day; not you, not your options, nor your legs.”
P.S. “Valentimes” isn’t a word.
P.P.S. Don’t do anything Dustin wouldn’t do.