We’ve been to a few family gatherings over the years, but the Fourth of July barbecue always brings out people from the woodwork. You don’t seem them often, but the moments you’ve shared in the past helps the conversations less awkward. And if you’re welcoming enough, these family members will find a way to invade your space with their electric and sometimes pesky attitudes.
We all know it’s the duty of our family to keep us on our toes and have us laughing non-stop. Here are some of the people you will run into at the family BBQ.
1. The Drunk Uncle
He’s there for the food and of course, the beer. We all love our drunk uncle, whether he’s yapping about why he’s mad at his neighbor this week or why he hates Donald Trump. Either way you know he’s going to bring his blunt perspective to the party.
2. The Revolutionary
They’ve signed every GoFundMe petition you can think of and they can recite Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “Mountain Top” speech backwards. Sure it’s sweet that they’ve taken interest in social and civil rights issues, but sometimes all you want to do is eat a burger and listen to Frankie Beverly and Maze.
3. The Girlies
We love the girlies! They’re strictly there to look cute by wearing the highest heels to the barbecue. With the right food and the perfect blended coquito, the shoes will come flying off and they’ll jam out to Nicki Minaj and Beyonce’s “Feeling Myself” with the rest of us.
4. The Master Chef
The master chef is the one who’s often standing by the grill, telling you the steak is too rare or the hot dogs aren’t burnt enough. Once you offer to take over, they’re gone faster than the cheeseburgers. That is, until someone compliments the food— then he’s Bobby Flay over here.
5. The Faux DJ
Sure, they’ve held down a few parties in college, but somehow, some way they know what tunes work for the crowd. Shalamar for the adults, Rae Sremmurd for the kiddies, and a little Kendrick Lamar for the folks in between.
6. The Party Starter
The party starter can be your adorable six-year-old cousin dancing or your auntie who jumped up once Luther’s “Never Too Much” blasted from the speakers. Their energy is enticing and comical, and has everyone wanting to jump on the outdoor dance floor.
7. The Fly Guy
Much like the girlies, he came to stunt. He’s also in the cut taking selfies with his bruhs and thinking about what hot spot he’s going to next. He’ll dip out early but will end up at the BBQ just in time for when the food is ready.
8. The One With The Firecrackers
As the evening (because we know BBQ’s last all day) comes to a close, the one with the firecrackers is handing out sparklers to the children and Roman candles to the adults. They’ll also brag about going to New Jersey or Virginia for copping the cheapest batch of firecrackers. At least the end result is something truly beautiful. Being with family around the holidays will remind us why we deal with all of their craziness in the first place.
Have a safe and happy Fourth of July.