Young couple kissing on the back of a scooter

Source: Stephen Zeigler / Getty

H  aving trouble meeting a woman you actually like? Maybe it’s you.

Now that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lacking as a person, perhaps just in skill. Knowing just what to say to a lady after you first lock eyes is even more important than how you look, what’s in your wallet or any title you hold. Some people call it charisma, others say it’s swag, but in both cases it means the same thing: pulling together your innate charms in a way that feels organic and impressive. Women like it when you’re being your best self—oh yeah, and not being a jerk. Unfortunately, guys can be offensive or annoying to women and not even know it. That ends today.

While the swag is on you, CASSIUS can help you get your other ish together. Here are some tips to ensure you shoot, and hit (wink, wink) your shot.

1 You’re Abusing Sarcasm and Snark

Walking up to a beautiful woman and saying things like, “You know you ain’t that cute,” isn’t funny—it’s insulting and usually hits you back in the form of rejection. Using the reverse psychology method isn’t going to get you far. It’s a game that plays on a woman’s insecurities and is an unhealthy way of beginning any kind of relationship. Instead of using a putdown to grab her attention, offer a genuine compliment. You get more bees with honey than you do vinegar.

2 You Haven’t Mastered the Humble Brag

You’re not on a job interview. Rolling off a list of your accomplishments and titles comes across as being obnoxious, not as confidence. Instead of rambling, allow her to discover who you are through casual conversation. Limit mentioning what you’ve done or own unless it naturally comes up. Don’t tell her that you’re the best— show her.

Knowing just what to say to a lady after you first lock eyes is even more important than how you look, what’s in your wallet or any title you hold.

3 You’re Acting Like a Fan

There’s nothing wrong with letting a girl know you’ve peeped her on social media when you meet IRL. What’s amiss? Mentioning status updates and personal info from her pages—it’s more than a bit creepy. Instead of coming off like a stalker, allow her to reveal what she wants you to know. It creates natural rapport and feels organic.

4 You’re Being a Bully

Male energy can be very direct and in some cases, particularly with men who consider themselves to be alpha males, guys feel the need to overexert themselves. Coming off as the aggressive type who’s basically forcing a chick to agree to your terms is a major turn off. Instead of pushing up on her strongly, become more lax in your approach. It’s okay to be excited and seize the moment, but women want to feel free to agree or disagree with you without being bulldozed. It’s a turnoff, trust.

5 You’re Not Going the Distance

Shouting, “Aye, yo ma” from a few feet away may be fun to you, but it’s a passive form of harassment and can create anxiety in some women. Instead of trying to get at shawty from a distance, approach her—stand at least a foot away— and speak to her directly. Conversing face-to-face is polite and personal. It allows her to feel your energy, and a little special.

6 Your Confidence is on E

Ever saw a chick that was so bad you found yourself at a loss of words? It happens. Plenty of men lose their nerve when they see a beauty, but if you aren’t going to speak you can’t just blatantly stare at her. It’s awkward and unnerving. Instead of staring and hoping she’ll magically give you her number, say hello, give a head nod, send a drink or cup of coffee.  Any option where you can interact without using too many words is a win—and exponentially better than becoming the weird guy staring in the corner.