woman with heart shaped lollipop

Source: Tara Moore / Getty

Who doesn’t love a blow job? And it seems like a lot of men are receiving them. According to a study released by the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, women are beating men when it comes to the rate at which they’re performing oral sex. But if your lady sucks at sucking, you’re still not really winning, right?

It can be difficult to tell your girl that her mouth game is weak. However, there are ways to break the news to her without bruising her ego—or ruining your chances of ever getting a BJ again. Stop fighting the inevitable. If you want a decent nut you’re going to have to teach her how to bring the best out of you. It’s time to put on your director’s hat. Think of yourself as the Spike Lee of your bedroom and the goal is to get her to do the right thing. Here’s how.


1 Start the Convo With a Little Appreciation

Before you shut her down, show her a little love for her willingness to repeatedly place your d-ck in her mouth. You can begin with something like, “Babe, I enjoy when you go down on me and I appreciate that you’re doing it…” Once you’ve made your declarations of  thanks, tell her some of the things she does that you like—even if she does it all wrong, there’s something to praise (ex. “I love how wet your mouth is”). The goal is to affirm that she is pleasing. If you come off too harshly, she may become defensive and close down the shop.


2 Show Her How You Like It

No, that doesn’t mean a threesome.  Send her a link to a video that shows how you would like her to use her mouth next time—be sure to mark it #NFSW to avoid getting her in trouble at the job. Base the type of images (instructional, kinky, romantic) you send on what you think will resonate the most with her personality. Follow up with a message asking her if she is up for the challenge. You can turn your suggestion giving into a personal challenge between you two and make the journey of improvement fun.


3 Respond IRL (In Real Life)

If she’s not doing what you like, the next time you’re getting it in be direct and tell her how you like it. You can say something like, “Use more saliva,” or “Open your mouth wider.” You can give her direction and take the lead in the moment but don’t turn into a drill sergeant. Approaching the situation in this way prevents you from attacking her with negative thoughts and goes straight into problem solving.


4 Give Her a Visual Aid

Some people learn better with direct instruction from a pro. If that’s the case, make it sexy. Surprise her with a date night that concludes with a class on oral sex techniques. If privacy is an issue, pony up the dollars to hire a sexpert to give a one-on-one class in the comfort of your home or in a private setting. Order a DVD or online course that will teach you how to improve your skills, and use fruits to practice that can double as dessert. You can even scroll through YouTube to watch videos or gift her a book on oral sex skills (Blow Him Away by Marcy Michaels is a fave) and read it together. However you decide to do it, be proactive in getting her the help she needs in an entertaining way.

Glamazon Tyomi is CASSIUS’ resident sexpert. Follow her at @glamazontyomi.

Cassius Radio

Our staff has picked their favorite stations, take a listen...