BRUHstrology

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BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of March 11, 2018.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Aries

The Astrologer Says:

You remember the dude from Pretty Woman who was shouting out, “Hey! Welcome to Hollywood! What’s your dream?” That’s what this week’s new moon in Pisces is shouting at you, Aries. What’s the seed that you’re planting that will be coming to life in the spring? Mars will be donning his business suit in Capricorn and asking for a blueprint, so get your plans in order. Dreams do come true, if you fight for them.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Life is crazy sometimes, man. But don’t worry about it, because it’s time to get yours. With winter wrapping up, it’s time to prep for the warmer weather and be on the look out for any Capricorn baes in your life, aka those born in late December to early January, because they mean business right now.

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

So many dramatic changes have been occurring in your life, Leo, for better or for worse. If you’ve been feeling out of sorts and unsure about yourself, try volunteering. Find practical ways to be of service, give deeply from that massive heart of yours, and see if you don’t brighten someone’s world by just being you. To lead the people, you must be of the people. It’s hard for a good man to be a king, but it’s not impossible.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You’ve had ups and downs all winter. But you gotta learn to take the good with the bad, and you know what will fix it all? Volunteering. Living off Arizona tea sucks, but there’s always someone who has it worse. Go humble yourself at a soup kitchen.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

Go home, Sadge, you’re tired. Hit the reset and recharge button before spring time by getting your home life in order. Yes, we know you’re a bit of a rolling stone, but without a peaceful home base to return to, you’re a bit of a mess. Tidy up, make your bed, take out the trash, and clean off that desk. Who knows? With an orderly house, maybe you’ll file your taxes earlier this year.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

There’s nothing wrong with being tired. Jay-Z is a Sadge (I only know that because he mentioned it in “Already Home”) and he definitely gets tired, too. Take a break from the everyday rut. Clean up your space to clean up your mind. You might not have a Bel Air estate to relax in like Hov, but your couch will do just fine.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

You need new friends, Taurus. And new hopes and wishes to go with them. Consider whether you can tell your current crew your wildest dreams and if they would encourage you to go after them. If they wouldn’t, it’s time to move on to greener pastures. Mars is going to be asking that you expand your horizons beyond your comfortable patch of grass. Change is gonna come whether you like it or not, so be prepared.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Good job. You finally got yourself some new friends once you realized that “no new friends” was a stupid mantra. The squad has some new members, and your energy is on the up-and-up. Mars is supposed to ask you to expand your horizons, too, btw, so, yeah, be on the lookout for that.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

Get your back off the wall, Virgo. You’re not the shy wallflower that people seem to believe you are. You’re getting the message that it’s time to show you’re a worthy partner with plenty to offer a lover or investor. This wouldn’t be a bad time to throw more energy into your side projects, creative pursuits, or even that special someone who has caught your attention. You can do it, put your back into it.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

It’s been a wild time as you just try to get your sh*t together after a tough go at it. But now is the time to look toward the future and get motivated again. Play Meek Mill’s “Intro” and write that business plan you’ve been putting off for too long. And that new love interest? Slide in their Insta DMs after you post a selfie. That post-shape up glow is real. Get yours.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

What’s the impossible dream that you’ve been hesitant to go after, Cap? Yes, that one. Let’s meditate on that dream this week, because it’s not nearly as impossible as it seems. It all boils down to one of your favorite subjects: time. The time has arrived to work smarter than you have before toward the impossible. You have the skills and the know-how to make it happen, so stop wasting time.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Time is on your side… ’til it’s not. Sitting around and waiting for what you want isn’t the wave, so go get what you want. Swipe right on that person on Tinder who’s way out of your league and it might just work out. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Be the eager beaver, king.

BRUHstrology Signs

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

You gotta believe in something, Gemini. If you don’t stand up for something that you’re passionate about, you’ll end up looking like your twin in the Oval Office, talking madness and crazy for the hell of it. Be the wiser twin this week. Commit to a dream you want to be known for, then gin up some passion to start working on it practically. You already have all the information you need; now be about that action.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

The Eagles believed in themselves enough to win the Super Bowl with a backup QB right? The least you can do is apply for that new job you saw on Indeed. Just keep manifesting and the good energy will start to flow your way. Trust.

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

If you want a change in your daily experience, something has to give, Libra. Where are you fooling yourself into believing that everything will be fine if you continue to skirt around the issue at hand? Commit to a new routine to get different results. Be stricter with yourself if you’re serious about finally seeing progress. Playing devil’s advocate gets old after a while. Just decide what you want to do and go.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

If you’re tired of the day-to-day, fix it. Simple as that. Stop beating around the bush and start chasing that bag. If it’s getting in the gym, remember that summer bodies are made in the winter. Make that change in your routine if you wanna see that change in your life.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

I know things have been a little crazy lately, water bearer, but you gotta drop the space cadet act. It’s not that you’re bad with your resources, money and security, you’re just unwilling to admit that you want something more for yourself. Allow yourself to act out what it would be like to have your dream come true, then think of imaginative ways to see it materialize.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Yeah, what she said: Things have been crazy for you, water bearer. If you want your dreams to come true, you have to help them materialize by putting forth some effort. Start saving for that new apartment (or house) instead of buying those Jordans, beloved. As Rick Ross once rapped: “Fuck copping them foams, when you copping the home?

BRUHstrology Signs

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Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

Your vision may have you feeling like Buzz Lightyear, Cancer. “To infinity and beyond” may be a bit nebulous, but the dream is brilliant and worth working on if you really believe in it. Do your research, and instead of giving it up, try bringing in practical people who can strategically plan out how to plant your flag here on earth. One small step for mankind…

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Helping your dreams materialize may not be a one (wo)man job, and the squad is always there to help with the glow up. Spend all your money on the devil known as dark liquor? One of the homies knows how to save, you just gotta have an open mind…and that includes not drinking so much Hennessy. You know, if that’s your vice.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

What’s the point of having talent if you’re not going to use it, Scorpio? You have the receipts, but rarely do you share the goods with people who need it. Correction: they need you. Stop slinking about in the shadows and start speaking up like the boss that you are. Start small, go local, become a familiar face in the neighborhood. This is batting practice before the big game. Start swinging for the fences!

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Boss up. Dassit.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

Hey, Pisces. You know the saying, “show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are?” That applies to you this week. You’re starting a new (solar) year with a new you, and that means you may have to leave some old friends and wishes for the future behind. Sometimes the glass slipper doesn’t fit— try on a new one, Cinderella. There’s a kingdom waiting on you to show them the new way forward.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Once again, Drake was wrong; some new friends are cool. And don’t be afraid of some adjustments. Sometimes the Jordans run small and you need to size up. It be like that.

LAST WEEK’S SCOPES: BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 03/04/18)

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