African American couple talking during breakfast time at home.

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Learning that your partner stepped outside of your relationship to entertain someone else sexually, or even romantically, can be a blow to the ego. You may feel like you’ve done something wrong, and that’s never a good feeling. Getting over the trauma experienced when infidelity strikes can seem impossible, especially when it first happens. However, there is hope! You can arrive on the other side happy and healed with a little willingness to work through it. If you’ve dealt with unfaithfulness and you’re looking for a way to get over the hurdle, take these tips into consideration.

1Remember That People Enjoy Doing The Most

Don’t let your ego trick you. The truth is, even though the cheating happened while you were in relationship, it had nothing to do with you. Even the best girlfriend or boyfriend will have innately selfish moments. Your partner chose to use their power of decision to have sex with someone else because they wanted to. It wasn’t because of anything you did or didn’t do, even if that’s the excuse. Partners have free will to flex autonomy over their bodies as they choose. Whether you view this as morally right or wrong is your opinion, but don’t let how you feel cloud your awareness of the truth. You’ve done nothing to cause your partner to do what they wanted to do. It may not feel good to know that they didn’t take the conditions of your union into consideration before they slept around, but remember that you are not to blame.

2Again, It’s Not About You

Viewing your partner’s infidelity as a sign that you weren’t good enough leads to feelings of insecurity. Don’t even waste your time diminishing yourself because of something that someone else did. In moments when you are reflecting, shift your thinking to your strengths. What makes you dope?  If you need help, look through your Instagram account, call up a buddy, or even check your resume.

3You Gotta Forgive

Punishing your partner by being mean (or revenge cheating) is a waste of time. Forgiveness doesn’t mean absolving anyone of responsibility. It’s about power. Even if your partner cheated to be spiteful, remember that it’s your choice to internalize someone else’s behavior. Get back in the control seat. The ego would have you believe that your feelings have been wounded by your partner, who is now an enemy. Being able to see your partner as someone who isn’t out to hurt or harm you enables you to reframe the act. True forgiveness enables you to have compassion for your partner and yourself. You will be able to release the hurt you’re experiencing by remembering the love that brought you together.

4Think About Yourself

Your partner’s decision to sleep with someone else had nothing to do with you. However, your feelings after the act can shed light on your personal issues. Focus on the feelings you experience when you think about what happened. Are you feeling angry? Abandoned? Deceived? These are feelings to explore. Your feelings always point to another traumatic experience that left an imprint on your energetic body. By recognizing the lesson you’re supposed to learn through this experience, you can heal past and present trauma. All experiences are lessons that love would have us learn. Go within for the answers. Your healing begins with you.

Glamazon Tyomi knows all things sex. Don’t believe it? Just watch. Follow her @GlamazonTyomi.