“Take that d*ck.” “Bend that ass over.” “Take it all in your throat.” These phrases sound like they come straight out of the movies, and they usually do. After years of consuming pornos featuring raw and raunchy language, it’s easy to see how anyone could think, this is what I have to say. And you’re right, kind of. Dirty talk is a way to express your sexual satisfaction during the experience and get you and your partner aroused. While there isn’t a right or wrong way to execute “dirty talk,” there are some best practices. A lot of people complain about being shut down by their partners or feeling too awkward to even try sex talk. Reframing talking dirty into speaking words of encouragement takes some of the stress out of trying to sound like a porn performer. When you remember that these words are spoken to help your partner become more relaxed and engaged, forming your sexy words of affirmation becomes easier. Instead of only focusing on how nasty you can sound, think about what will keep things sexy. Here are some things to consider.
Use Words That Feel Natural
There are four categories that sex words fall under: Medical words, slang terms, sacred terms and euphemisms. Medical words describe sex acts and body parts in a clinical way. Slang terms are more relaxed and are derived from a person’s culture. An example of sacred language is “yoni” for vagina and” lingam” for penis. Euphemisms are expressions used to represent words that are “dirty,” like referring to the vagina as “down there” or using “your member” to refer to the penis. You can even make up your own words to represent these sex acts and organs. Think about the kinds of words that turn you on and use those. It will sound naturally authoritative and fun.
You Gotta Practice
Before you get into the act of speaking sexy affirmations during your erotic play, recite the words aloud to get used to hearing yourself speak in this way. Use different tones, place the accent on different words and imagine what it would feel like to say these words in play with your partner. It won’t feel good or be fun if you’re feeling overly awkward when you execute. Practice makes perfect and creates ease in knowing what to say when you’re deep in the moment.
Find Out What Your Partner Likes, Too
Have a conversation with them about how they like to be addressed during sex before you’re in the actual moment—this can be some random night over a drink or during foreplay. Some people enjoy being degraded and having derogatory words used to address them. Others may prefer authoritative words of endearment. Asking pre-encounter allows you to create a natural mash-up of what you both like before you get things popping.
Good Vibes Are A Must
Sexual communication is the responsibility of both partners. Encourage your partner to speak up and to let you know how they are feeling and what they need from you. These check-ins don’t have to be sexy, just sincere. You should also communicate your likes and desires. Feedback takes the guesswork and need to “perform” out of sex, and allows you to focus on having a good time.
Glamazon Tyomi is CASSIUS’ resident sexpert.