The wait is over, winter has arrived as Game of Thrones’ final season has officially begun, and the first episode didn’t waste any time making things exciting with some crucial moments that set the table immediately for the curtain call.
Washpoppin In Winterfell?
Previously on Game of Thrones, Dany and Jon finally knocked incestuous boots and the Night King and his army of wights have breached the wall with the help of his new pet—undead dragon Viserion. Season 8’s premiere picks up with Jon and Daenerys rolling into Winterfell looking like an aunt and nephew who just smashed, flanked by her impressive army of Unsullied, Dothraki warriors and of course her remaining two dragons doing flybys like Maverick and Goose in Top Gun.
Ayra is in the crowd with the rest of the people of Winterfell taking in the grand spectacle, her facial reactions were rapidly updating like a Twitter timeline using just emojis when she feasts her eyes on Jon, Dany, The Hound, the armies and lastly those beautiful dragons. But not everyone is too happy to see this calvary ride into town. Sansa, the new Lady of The North who gained a serious spicy streak last season, as well as the queen of the scowl young Lyanna Mormont, are not too thrilled to learn that the former King of The North bent the knee giving up his rulership and formed a bootleg truce with the Lannisters. Plus, Sansa is wondering how the hell they’re supposed to feed all of these damn people and two big ass flying lizards.
Despite everyone being in their feelings we finally got the reunions we have been waiting 8 seasons for. Tyrion finally meets up with his wife Sansa for a hey-how-the-hell-are-you moment. It was as awkward as you’d expect. Jon and Arya reunited and measured each other’s swords with her really not giving herself the props she deserves for the number of people she has killed during her long time away from home. Think of it as a Winterfell pissing match between two siblings. Everyone sees Bran, but it’s safe to assume the Three-Eyed Raven has experienced all of the pleasantries already in his head.
Cersei Really Wanted Those Elephants
Back in King’s Landing, Cersei has upgraded her look going for a more battle-ready chic approach with her dress featuring some armor shoulder pads. She also spent some of that coin from the Iron Bank and upgraded the throne room by adding some flame pits for added life and light. Her hand, Qyburn informs her that the undead has breached the long assumed impenetrable wall and are marching towards Winterfell much to her delight.
No longer worried about what’s going down over there and opting to let Daenerys and the army of the undead cancel each other out, she meets up with her “fiancé” Euron. He introduces her to the new leader of the Golden Company mercenary army, Captain Strickland, who for some reason looks like a great value Jamie Lannister and Cersei definitely gave him the eye. We all know deep down inside she misses her brother/boo thang Jamie and we are willing to bet she will let him drive the boat one time very soon. Anyway, Strickland breaks down the headcount for the Golden Army, and it’s really not as impressive as it was supposed to be on paper. Mainly because they couldn’t deliver on the elephants that were promised, now we have no idea what a pack of pachyderms would do against dragons except serve as food, but Cersei really wanted them.
Euron could care less though, all he wants is to really get in Cersei’s evil guts and in our best Bossip headline writer voice fill it with his Greyjoy juice. Little does he know when it comes to head Lannister in charge, she’s the one who does the smashing and not the other way around. After Euron makes his medieval case as to why he can no longer wait to get those draws, Cersei buckles down and lets him sample the goods ahead of their promised arrangement of giving him smash after the war, presuming she is the victor.
While Euron is dipping in the Lannister pool, we learn that his badass niece, Queen Yara Greyjoy is not dead after all but being held prisoner by her Uncle. With him away, Theon is who still trying to atone for his previous sins comes to save the day with a handful of his best warriors quickly dispatching the guards. After he rescues his sister she greets her brother with a headbutt, Theon can’t catch a break, but at this point, he is used to things like that happening to him. On their way back, Theon pledges his loyalty to his sister but she can tell his heart is somewhere else and gives him her blessing to return to Winterfell to help Jon take on the undead.
Sir Bronn also is still in King’s Landing gets an offer he just can’t refuse. His threesome is interrupted by Qyburn who pitches on behalf of his queen that Sir Bronn take out both of her brothers using the same magnificent crossbow she gifted her piece of sh*t son Joffrey and that Tyrion used to kill their father.
A Whole New World, Game of Thrones Style
Dany and Jon shippers finally get the moment they have been waiting for with a couples dragon ride. Jon doesn’t realize there is Targaryen blood running through his veins allowing him to ride the dragon like a pro. After the magic dragon ride through the snowy north, they decide to link up in front of a waterfall. Dany wants her cakes clapped, and it all goes down while Drogon and Rhaegal watch like two curious housepets. There is a great moment where Jon and his new dragon pal make some eye contact while he is kissing Dany.
Back in Winterfell its time for another long-awaited reunion this time with Arya and The Hound. It was as bitter as you can expect with him kicking things off with “you left me to die,” her responding with “first I robbed you,” and him ending the brief interaction by calling her a “cold little bitch” before walking away with his new dragon glass ax courtesy of Gendry. Speaking of the talented Blacksmith, we get another reunion between him and Arya. She hands him a blueprint along with some dragon glass for a unique looking weapon for him to build for her. We definitely sensed some sort of potential relationship vibes between them.
Daenerys is back from her waterfall rendezvous with Jon and meets with Sam. Her loyal friend-zoned servant Jorah has been boasting about his master skills after he curred him of Greyscale. The meeting goes a bit sour when Samwell finds out that his future Queen killed his father and brother. Running out in tears like Red after he got his chain snatched, Sam bumps into ancient Professor X aka Bran just waiting for him. Sam asks what is Bran doing out there, and the Three-Eyed Raven tells him he’s waiting for an old friend (hold that thought we will come back to that). Bran tells Sam it’s time to tell Jon that he is the True King and the rightful heir to the throne.
After learning that Daenerys turned his dad and brother into bbq chicken he definitely wants to tell Jon yeah you need to check the “Queen” and oh and by the way, Ned Stark ain’t yo daddy you’re actually a Targaryen the throne is yours by birthright and your name isn’t Jon. After the revelation from Sam, Jon doesn’t immediately believe it and looks stunned, but when you just find out that you were having sex with your Aunt, you would probably have the same look on your face as well.
The Night King Is Coming
One of our faves Tormund Giantsbane is alive and well and should be rocking an I survived Viserion and the Night King t-shirt. Tormund and Beric with his fantastic flaming sword are at Last Hearth, and things are not looking too good. They bump into the last remaining members of the Night’s Watch, and they reveal to them that the Night King stopped by and left them a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-inspired wall decoration.
It’s young Ned Umber who was sent there to recruit the last of House Umber’s men strategically placed in the middle of dismembered arms making that interesting spiral we always have seen concerning the White Walkers. While inspecting the Night King’s eye-opening take on a post-it note, poor Ned wakes up and is now a wight. Beric wastes no time using his sword to take him out setting him on fire activating the message. The Night King and his army are closer than they think and it’s about to go down.
That “Old Friend” Finally Arrives
Remember the “old friend” Bran was waiting for to arrive in Winterfell? Well, it was none other than the Kingslayer aka Jamie Lannister. The one-handed Knight has survived his long journey to Winterfell to bring them the disheartening news that Cersei has no intentions of helping them. Once he gets off his horse, he spots Bran staring at him, marking the first time Jamie has seen the young Stark since pushing his ass out of the tower window in the series premiere when he saw him and his sister Cersei incesting it up.
The drama is building already. Welcome back, Game of Thrones.