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It’s a sad reality to face, but the average cis, heterosexual man is failing miserably in the p-ssy eating department. Yeah, it’s true. Attempts are appreciated, but too many guys still miss the mark when it comes to satisfying horny honeys expecting to climax.

And don’t think you’re the bomb just because you haven’t been openly critiqued. Most female sex partners will rarely just come out and say you suck at tongue f-cking her. Instead, she’ll give hints. She’ll ask for it less. She’ll rush you through it to get to the D. She’ll go dry midway, despite your most gallant attempts. But it’s not your fault that your performance is mediocre. The problem is that most men get their cues on how to perform cunnilingus—and all sex acts—from women who are paid to act pleased (meaning pornos).

If you want a gold star in coochie eating, you have to rethink your approach. Here are some common shortcomings, and tips for getting around them to up your head game.

You Really Don’t Like It

When you’re really not into going down, your lack of interest, anxiety, or disgust will be relayed in your performance. If you don’t want to be down there, then simply don’t go! You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t want to do just because you’re in a relationship or she expects it. If you’re just feeling insecure about your skill set, watch some instructional videos to learn how to perform better, or pick up a book in the art of cunnilingus. If her hygiene is throwing you off, have a loving talk with her about how she can take better care of herself.

You’re Using Too Much Saliva

Lubrication is necessary for all sexual activity, but when you slob on the clit it can become so slippery that it cancels out the friction of your tongue. Alternately, you can’t let things get too dry. Find the sweet spot by swallowing excess saliva (meaning anything that’s dripping or gushing) each time you switch mouth moves. If you don’t want to swallow her juices, then have a towel on standby to slyly spit your collected saliva into it. You can also keep a bottle of water nearby to wash it down. Drooling on her p-ssy can be an indication that you don’t want her in her mouth, which could turn her off. If you don’t like how she tastes—it happens—encourage her to change up her diet to include more leafy greens, water, melons, and berries.

You’re Only Focusing on the Clitoris

The clitoris is the epicenter of the female orgasm, but repeated tongue flicks and finger rubs may not work for everyone. The entire vulva and vagina becomes sensitive when the clit is stimulated, so use that to your advantage. Use your mouth to suck on both her inner and outer lips. Kiss along her bikini line. Use your fingers to stimulate her g spot using an upward circular motion towards the front of her pelvis. Finger her by touching the opening of the vagina in a swirling motion; ask her how she likes to be fingered before going in. Turn things up by alternating moves based on her body’s response.

You’re Just Using Your Tongue

Your tongue is the main player in going down, but if you’re a one trick pony, she will tire easily. Your lips are second in command when eating p-ssy properly. Use them to kiss both sets of her lips, grab at her lips, and rub on her clit. But don’t stop there: Blow air on her vulva to create a cooling sensation. Use your vocal cords to hum and create a vibration similar to her favorite vibrator. Create suction using your lips and pop that thang like you’re sucking on delectable meats. Most importantly, don’t go on autopilot. Pay attention to her response (hips rising, moaning, shivers) and assault that ass accordingly.

You Keep Using the Same Position

Lying on your stomach with your head between her legs is a great position to start off with, but it may not do the trick for your girl. Don’t be afraid to switch things up. Let her ride your face with her hands on the headboard, or get into 69 position. Bring her pelvis to the edge of the bed, get on your knees, place her legs over your shoulders and feast. Have her get on her knees and position yourself on your back like a car mechanic and suck her until she is on E. Blindfold her, have her stand against the wall with her legs spread wide, get on your knees, and worship her p-ssy. Pull her onto your shoulders while you stand against a wall and eat her like the best meal you’ve ever had. The key is to the find the winning positions that help her get off the hardest. There is just one rule: When she tells you not to move, don’t move.

You’re on Repeat

The flick of the tip of your tongue is a great technique to use when going down, but it shouldn’t be the only technique. Flatten your tongue and rub it along both of her lips from the bottom to the top, capping it off with a few flicks of the clit. Make circles around her clit with the tip of your tongue. Lap at her p-ssy like a cat drinking milk. Use the underside of your tongue to part and massage her p-ssy lips. Switch up the direction of your tongue strokes and their speed. Pay attention to what earns a round of applause, but keep all of the moves in your arsenal. The more variety you pack, the better your head game will be.

Glamazon Tyomi is CASSIUS’ resident sexpert. Follow her at @GlamazonTyomi.

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