“A ye, man, what?” is a new CASSIUS column dedicated to highlighting the foolish findings we discover in this crazy world we live in. It’ll span from ridiculously funny to painfully serious, but it’ll always offer sound commentary on the topic at hand.

First up: Sweet Dixie Chicken in Long Beach, Calif. A quick search of the company’s Yelp page fares pretty solid results for the restaurant focusing on “Southern-inspired dining.” Apparently the peach basil lemonade is on-point, and the biscuit sandwich is A-1. But hold up, hold my phone. A further inquiry on Yelp claims that its signature chicken is homemade, but in all actuality, its thighs and wings from what many consider the pinnacle of pristine poultry: Popeyes.

Aye, man, what? Let me get this right. Not only does a restaurant fake the funk and claim another brand’s product as its own (which is considered “biting” [no pun]), but OF ALL THE SPOTS TO JACK, YOU TRY TO STYLE ON POPEYES? Dude, it’s Popeyes. EVERYONE knows its chicken, and can call it by name from one sniff of the intoxicating aroma permeating the air whenever a fresh batch comes out. Listen, all the hashtags of #local, #locallysourced, etc. can’t save you from the taste-testing senses of the masses, no matter how much you gentrify our grits and chicken & waffles. But to make matters worse, some claim to have seen workers at the restaurant CARRY POPEYES BOXES INTO THE KITCHEN. You can’t make this stuff up. I wish I would go to brunch and get charged $13 for a Popeyes thigh, I don’t care how bottomless the mimosas are.

It gets worse.

The owner of Sweet Dixie made a statement on Facebook (because that’s the perfect place to make a statement in 2017, right?) after getting called out, not to apologize but to throw other businesses under the bus claiming it too sells pre-made products!

The food scene in Long Beach has to be in ruins right now, and only Vince Staples can solve this. Let this be a lesson to all the other charlatan restauranteurs out there: cook your own chicken.  And if you don’t, well, at least go to Church’s. No one knows what its chicken tastes like.

 

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