Each week CASSIUS’ resident sex expert Glamazon Tyomi answers questions from clients and fans. This week, she talks to a man who wants to know whether it’s time to start taking a hands off approach to relieving his sexual tension.
I’ve been seeing your posts online talking about masturbation and I wanted to get your advice about a personal issue. I think I am addicted to masturbating and I don’t know how to stop it. I started rubbing one out every day before school like around my freshman year of high school, now, I’m in my 20’s, and I masturbate a lot more. I can’t go a day without getting off on my own at least twice. I enjoy sex with women, but I don’t get to have it as often as I’d like because since I’m a single student and I spend a lot of time studying. I feel stressed often and use masturbation as a way to relieve it. I don’t like the feeling I get when I try not to touch myself. My mind tells me that I’m doing something wrong if I don’t beat off, but at the same time I feel like I’m cheating myself every time I cum. How can I get over this? Am I doing something wrong? Help me Glamazon!
– Grand Master Bater
Hey Grand Master Bater,
Masturbation isn’t bad, so don’t feel guilty for having the desire or engaging in the act of self-pleasure. There are a two things I want you to consider. First, semen is a vital energetic essence. It creates life and revitalizes your internal organs. It’s also connected to your life force energy (or chi). Every time you ejaculate, your body is using all of its power to emit your vital essence into the world to procreate. Your body uses key minerals and nutrients to make this happen, and when the ejaculation your chi is depleted—this is why you may feel sleepy after ejaculating. Second, excessive masturbation, how you masturbate and your guilt around masturbation will impact your ability to perform, connect and enjoy sex with a partner.
So, what should you do?
Slow down on jerking off so often. It’s time to learn more about your body and how to maximize its performance.
If you want to get a handle on your stress levels, try meditation instead of masturbation. Take a moment to check in with yourself via deep breathing. Sit with your feet flat on the floor and your hands in your lap (not touching your genitals). Close your eyes and follow the natural flow of your breath. When you are ready, begin doing deep abdominal breathing by expanding your diaphragm when you breathe in, and pulling it back in to a contracted state when you exhale. You may feel light headed when doing this type of breathing, but this is okay. Breathing is this way brings more oxygen into the body. The more oxygen you have in your body, the better for your internal environment.
The next thing I recommend is that you integrate meditation and edging into your routine when you do masturbate. Edging is bringing your self to the point of orgasm and then ceasing stimulation to allow your body to relax back into a resting state before stimulating yourself again. Edging assists in cultivating your sexual energy. The goal is to not ejaculate and to retain your semen inside of your body. This is called injaculation and it may sound weird, but it has extreme health benefits for men.
Instead of feeling drained, you will feel more energized and focus. This way of masturbating requires practice and willingness. But it will increase your the amount of pleasure you ultimately experience and help you learn how to control your body.
Also, be aware of the mindset you’re when masturbating. If you’re anxious or ashamed, you’re training your body to be stressed during sexual encounters. When you take the time to pleasure yourself, RELAX. There is nothing that needs to be done in that moment but for you to enjoy your pleasure. If you feel like you are about to ejaculate, you can squeeze the same muscles you use to hold back your semen and hold your ejaculate back into your body. You can and will still experience an orgasm when doing this. Now that you have a new way, you can break the habit of anxiously wanking and begin to revitalize your life.
Glamazon Tyomi knows all things sex. Don’t believe it? Just watch. Follow her @GlamazonTyomi.
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