Each week, CASSIUS’ resident sex expert Glamazon Tyomi answers questions from clients and fans. This week’s letter comes from a young, married man who is happy in his relationship, but wants to know how to increase his wife’s desire to have sex with him.
How are you? Your personality is incredible and you are doing great work! I’m a young, successful entrepreneur and I’ve been happily married for four years. Unfortunately, my wife doesn’t want sex as much as I do, and I want to know how to make her want it more. What can I do to make her want sex all the time? I want to turn up the heat so my wife desires me more. I’ve heard people have issues when they are in relationships where one person wants sex and the other doesn’t. I want to make sure we don’t become one of them. Looking forward to your response.
Hey Confident Entrepreneur,
Let’s begin with your wife’s desire for sex. There can be a number of things preventing her from wanting to be intimate. Stress, body image issues and traumatic past experiences are among the top libido killers. Talk to her. If there is any type of trauma blocking her ability to connect with her sexuality, speaking to a professional mental health practitioner is the best way to start the healing process.
If trauma is not the issue, delve into how you feel about the sex you’re currently having and express your concern for her lack of interest. Get to know more about what she needs intimately to feel more inclined to have sex. Most importantly, you have to remember that your wife’s sex drive isn’t something you can control. Her willingness to join with you sexually is her decision ultimately.
Don’t forget about the importance of seduction. You can also support her sensuality by providing her with the stimulation she needs to feel aroused. Share what turns you both on. Another suggestion is to begin to express your attractions verbally as often as you can. If she’s looking good to you in a particular moment, let her know. If you’re having thoughts about what you want to do to her sexually, send her a sexy text message describing how you want to play with her. And encourage her to do the same if she desires. You can even write your messages inside of a card or leave a handwritten note in her purse describing your desire. Expressing your fantasies without the possibility of immediate sexual interaction removes the pressure of having to respond or even act out the desires being expressed. The goal is to remember love in all situations no matter if sex happens.
Building trust through intimacy is a major key to sparking interest in sexual play. Spend more time cuddling, kissing, talking about sex, complimenting each other, showing appreciation for each other, gazing into each other’s eyes and caressing each other softly. All of these things can be done with clothes on and can be performed anywhere you both feel comfortable. Women need to be engaged in foreplay in order to feel aroused and ready for sex. Foreplay begins in the mind and can be ongoing.
Bottom line: if you want to maintain your sexual relationship with your wife, you have to remember that things will change and be committed to making adjustments as life goes on with her. Set a purpose for your sex life to give your intimacy more meaning than satisfying your base urges. To connect, to have fun and play and to heal together are just a few examples of purposes you can set for your sex life. Once you’ve done this, you can make a list of erotic goals you want to accomplish. Be willing to make changes as you go along, and communicate your needs and desires. Remember that her sexual desire isn’t something you can control, but you do influence it.
Hope this advice helps,
Glamazon Tyomi knows all things sex. Don’t believe it? Just watch. Follow her @GlamazonTyomi.