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Each week CASSIUS’ resident sex expert Glamazon Tyomi answers questions from clients and fans. This week, she responds to a letter from a guy who lost his virginity to his high school sweetheart. The couple is still going strong, unfortunately, his lady isn’t so into getting it in. She blames his penis size.
Hi Tyomi,
I’ve been watching your tutorials on Youtube and like how you really break down the information. My girlfriend and I are both 22, and we’ve been together for five years. We’re high school sweethearts, and we’ve never been with anyone else sexually. I don’t know if that is why, but we are really having problems in the bedroom. Sex has always been a challenge for us. She has always experienced pain when we have sex, so she’s never enjoyed it as much as we both believe she should. Now it’s come to a point where she doesn’t want to do it, even if it’s just to please me. I have an 8-inch penis and it’s thick as well. She says she feels pressure but no pleasure, at all. I have to admit that was hard to hear because I love her, and of course, having sex with her. I’ve improved my technique over the years. For example, I don’t go deep (I hit her cervix before) and practice other measures to be considerate of my size. I know we both need to learn how to grind, but it seems like every time I try something new she’s still disinterested. Please help me. It’s at the point that we don’t know if we should break up or work things out. What can we do to make her feel pleasure?
Thank you!
In Need of Help
What’s up, “In Need of Help,”
Here’s the issue: Your girlfriend connects sex with pain. Unfortunately, the times you’ve hit her cervix, or engaged in intercourse without her being thoroughly aroused have caused her to think of sex as something that will ultimately hurt. Always. Now, as a defense mechanism, her body is using numbness as a way to protect her from experiencing pain during sex with you. This is why she is telling you she doesn’t experience any pleasure or even feel you inside of her. Her mind and body are aligning to prevent her from perceived harm.
Fortunately, the painful sex she experiences is something that can be remedied. This work will require much effort from both of you. First, ask your partner if she’s willing to put in the work to change the dynamic and heal. If so, I suggest that she sees a therapist or counselor to remedy the trauma she’s experienced. The goal is to remove the blocks you’ve both undoubtedly sustained. Sex has created anxiety and tension, but that can all be changed. Your penis is bigger than the average, but the vagina is elastic and can accommodate the size well once it is prepared through foreplay and yoni massage.
Next, due to your limited sexual knowledge, you both need to be committed to understanding your own bodies, and how to give and receive pleasure. You can do this by reading books and watching tutorials separately and together, and/or working with a certified tantric practitioner who can help you learn more about sexual anatomy, sexual pleasure, healing techniques and intimacy building. You can find certified tantric practitioners via Authentictantra.com for more assistance.
Now, on to the part where you said you think you will have to break up if things don’t work out. If your relationship with your high school sweetheart is all about sex and nothing more, then breaking up would be the best thing for you. If you don’t want to put in the work to make sex with her more pleasurable and you decide to break up, just know that you will still need to be educated on how to use the “sexual equipment” to deliver pleasure to women instead of pain. Your issue won’t be remedied by breaking up and switching to a new partner. If your relationship with your girlfriend is actually enriching your life outside of the sex, and you assist each other in growing in other areas beyond intercourse, then this relationship is one worth maintaining. Work on communicating how you feel about each other more often. Gaze into each other’s eyes and touch each other lovingly while you sync your breath together. Cuddle more often and learn how to laugh and play outside of the bedroom. Remember the innocence of your relationship and build your friendship. Date each other as if it’s your first time meeting and get to know each other as adults. You’ve been dating since high school and you’re not the same people you were when you met. Work on getting to know each other as 22-year-old evolved beings instead of remembering each other for who you were in high school.
Being a good lover and partner is a skill. Choose to cultivate it now.
You have a journey ahead of you…
Glamazon Tyomi
Glamazon Tyomi knows all things sex. Don’t believe it? Just watch. Follow her @GlamazonTyomi.
