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Kim Kardashian might look like she’s okay, but deep down, co-parenting with Ye, aka Kanye West, appears to be a daunting task that brings her to the brink of tears.

During the latest episode of the Angie Martinez IRL podcast, Kim Kardashian opened up about many things including what parenting children with Ye has been like post-divorce. She didn’t want to go into too much detail about it because she still needs to protect her children and at least present the appearance of relative normalcy, but she admitted that it’s a lot.

 

“I definitely protected him, and I still will in the eyes of my kids,” the SKIMS creator told Martinez of her estranged (emphasis on “strange”) ex. “For my kids. So, in my home, my kids don’t know anything that goes on [in] the outside world.”

“I am holding on by a thread,” she continued. “I know that I am so close to that not happening, but while it is still that way, I will protect that to the end of the Earth as long as I can. My kids don’t know anything. So, at school, some of my best friends are the teachers so I know what goes on at recess and lunchtime. I hear what is being talked about.”

Kim Kardashian went on to talk about how parenting in general is already enough of a daily challenge without her having to put on a happy face and pretend everything is all good between Ye and herself in front of the children they share.

“It is worth it because I think that of course I want to disassociate in specific thoughts and things being said because that is not me,” she said. “But at the same time in my home I could be going through something, but if we are riding to school and they want to listen to their dad’s music—no matter what we are going through—I have to have that smile on my face and blast his music and sing along with my kids. [I can] act like nothing is wrong and as soon as I drop them off, I can have a good cry.”

In fact, she ended up having a “good cry” during the interview when she burst into tears while discussing her relationship with her own father, Robert Kardashian, who died in 2003.

“I had the best dad. I don’t want to get emotional, but it’s just been a day for me,” she told Martinez. “It is hard. Co-parenting is really f-cking hard. I had the best dad and the best experiences, and that is all I want for my kids. As long as they can have that, that is what I want for them.”

Kim Kardashian later talked to Martinez about how Ye also makes her dating life more difficult than it should be because the Donda rapper is too unhinged to be an ex most men want to contend with. (We all saw how things went with Pete Davidson, after all.)

“There’s a part of me that is like, ‘Oh my God, is everyone gonna be scared because I don’t have the easiest ex? I don’t think that’s fair for me to ever put someone in a situation or bring a new person in who could be super innocent,” she said. “Then there’s a side of me that’s like, ‘Why would I ever have to live that way?’”

You can check out Kim Kardashian’s full interview with Angie Martinez below.