Highs And Lows: The Biggest Winners Of NFL Season Week 3

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Back in the day, when I learned that my wife was pregnant, I told my friend Dennis that I was having a kid. He had two, a boy and a girl, who were already adults. I asked him if he had any advice for me getting ready to become a new dad and he said this: “Don’t let anyone tell you how to parent. Feel your kids out. Some will need a strong word. Some won’t. Some will even teach you.”

I must’ve looked confused because he immediately went into a story: His son, who was 16 at the time, had a sharp curfew of 10 p.m. Well, one Saturday, his boy didn’t show up at his door until 2 a.m. When Dennis opened the door, he had all of these things he wanted to say to his son until he looked at his boy beaming, standing in his doorway, a smaller version of himself, and before he could say anything, his son told him, “I’m sorry, Dad. It was just my night.”

This is week three of the NFL football round-up in which we separate the wheat from the chaff (whatever that means) and figure out which teams are winners, losers, and everything in between.

Losers

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Green Bay Packers

The Green Bay Packers almost had me and the rest of America believing that they were the real deal and then Week 3 rolled around and they ruined every parlay that had them beating the Cleveland Browns. I know that the score was only 13-10 but fam, Joe Flacco is the starting quarterback for the Browns, yes, that Joe Flacco. The same Joe Flacco that has an AARP card. The Joe Flacco that can get a cup of coffee from McDonald’s for a dime. The same Joe Flacco that should be starring in LifeAlert commercials.

Wait, I got a text message.

Text message: “Fam, no professional football team that is supposed to be good should be losing to Joe Flacco,” sincerely, Joe Flacco’s mom.

The Browns won their first game, and it was against Joe Flacco.

Tennessee Titans

If someone ever asks you, “Hey, want to come over to my house and watch some paint dry?” The only respectable answer is “Sorry, I have no interest in watching the Tennessee Titans play.” The Titans aren’t just bad, they are boring. Super boring. And that’s not a knock against rookie quarterback Cam Ward. In fact, Ward might be the only good thing going. They just can’t seem to do anything right. In three games, the Titans’ starting running back, Tony Pollard, has rushed for just 197 yards and one touchdown. The defense is deplorable. The offensive line is about as strong as wet tissue paper, and they can’t seem to get a groove going. They aren’t just bad; at this point, they are the Trump administration of the NFL.

The In-Betweens

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Washington Commanders

I don’t want to overreact to the Washington Commanders’ commanding (you see these puns!) win over the Las Vegas Raiders, 41-24. And I should probably point out that I was born and raised in Washington, D.C., and have been a Commanders fan my whole life, so I’m really trying to give this fair and balanced…MARCUS MARIOTA FOR PRESIDENT! DID YOU SEE HIM?! I MEAN, SURE, THIS IS JAYDEN DANIELS’ TEAM, BUT IS IT?

OK, now that I got that off, this really was a make-or-break moment for the Commanders, who were looking down the barrel of going 1-2 this week after Daniels, a certified star, went down with a sprained knee. But Mariota came in and steadied the troops, going 15 for 21, 207 yards, and one touchdown. Mariota even kept the running quarterback theme alive, rushing for 40 yards on six rushes. With Daniels day-to-day, Mariota may be at the helm for at least one more game and, well, “In Mariota We Trust!”

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Yes, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are 3-0, but let’s be real, who have they played? The Bucs have barely beaten the Atlanta Falcons (1-2), the Houston Texans (0-3), and the New York Jets (0-3). And they are playing in the worst division in the NFL, the NFC South, which includes the Carolina Panthers (1-2), New Orleans Saints (1-2,) and Falcons. At this point, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the Jake Pauls of Logan Pauls.

Winners

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Indianapolis Colts

Daniel Jones is an NFL quarterback. No one would have said this during his horrendous time with the New York Giants, where he was benched and then released in 2024. But that was the old Daniel Jones. The new DJ has his Colts starting off 3-0 and against the Sister Mary Boys and Girls Club (officially known as the Indianapolis Colts), Jones threw for 228, 1 TD on 18-25 passing. Sure, Jonathan Taylor did the bulk of the scoring, running for 102 yards on just 17 rushes and 3 touchdowns, but you to admit Jones is having himself a year.

Philadelphia Eagles

America knows the Philadelphia Eagles were supposed to lose. With just minutes to go in the third quarter, the Eagles were down 26-7 to the Los Angeles Rams. Eagles fans, who should still be high from the Eagles recent Super Bowl win, started booing the Eagles (which is about right for Eagles fans considering they once boo’d Santa Claus.) And then something happened. Jalen Hurts, who truthfully is one of God’s favorites, decided that he’d seen enough.

“Over the final four drives, Hurts went 16-of-23 for 206 yards and three touchdown passes. A team that had seemingly forgotten about A.J. Brown and DeVonta Smith suddenly found its star receivers over and over again until Smith caught a fourth-and-goal touchdown pass with 1:51 remaining to take the lead,” ESPN reports.

We know how it ended. The Eagles won because they always win. They aren’t just coming off winning the Super Bowl; they are 3-0 this season and won a game they had no business winning.

Because sometimes, even when you’ve been out well past your curfew, you can teach a father to cool down a bit by just reminding him that he was once young and had magical moments where he still believed in things. And even when you’ve done everything wrong, you can still win.